Yin Thinks

Baby E on Video Chat

2012-01-12T10:30:00.000-05:00

Baby E on January 9th in a video chat with H - 8.5 months

After waking up from his afternoon nap, I brought Baby E over to the laptop for a quick chat with H, and he was such a character. I just want to eat him up. Yum! He could not stop smiling and just being super awesome. Yup, that's my kid. <3

The Reason Why I Haven't Written My Birth Story

2012-01-11T10:30:00.000-05:00

It's been 8.5 months since Baby E was born, and I have yet to write my birth story. I told myself that I would jot everything down and write it as soon as possible. Well that didn't happen. I found that each time I started to write the entry, I would get upset over the details. I had a pretty bad labor, and it have very little to do with my body and a lot to do with the hospital staff.

When I was pregnant it was easy for me to decide on having a hospital birth. I had no doubt that the professionals would know what they were doing. If I needed medical intervention, the hospital would be there for me. It just seemed like the normal thing to do. Women go to the hospital every single day to give birth. I never considered having a doula or midwife by my side, even though I had heard great things about them through other bloggers.

I knew that complications could arise in labor, and I tried to read up on as much as possible. I just didn't think about labor outside the possible complications. What about the hospital staff?

Here are just a few details that sucked about my labor...

Detail #1: The nurse who evaluated me upon arriving at the hospital wasn't very nice. I told her that I wanted to go through labor naturally, and she scoffed at me. Then she did an internal exam, and I whimpered in pain. She said that there was no way I could have a natural birth if I thought that was painful. By the way, another nurse also gave me an internal exam when I was further along, and it was actually quite pleasant with no pain at all. The previous nurse was just a mean person.

Detail #2: They placed an IV immediately in my arm "just in case." I didn't like that but didn't know any better. I did have an epidural, and I did need the IV after all, but I did not want to be hooked up to the monitor when I was going through labor naturally. I felt like I was confined to the bed, and going to the bathroom was a pain in the butt. It would have taken very little time for them to insert the IV when I needed to have it. Ugh.

Detail #3: After hours of extreme pain, I opted for an epidural (the anesthesiologist was great & everything went well). I didn't know that they would hook me up to the blood pressure monitor for the rest of my labor -- almost 10 hours! Imagine being in the final stage of labor and pushing while having the monitor squeeze your arm. Yeah I needed to stand up for myself and tell them to take the damn monitor off of my arm. They still had me hooked up, even after Baby E was born. The monitor had squeezed everything out of my arm, and I barely had enough strength to carry my son.

Detail #4: Not a single doctor came to see me while I was in labor (I was admitted at midnight and Baby E was born at 1:43 PM) until the last 30 minutes of pushing. My OB was on vacation, and the on call doctor never came to see me. I had talked to him the night before, and I never heard from him again. Also note that my OB's practice is located at the hospital. I was told that Dr. ABC was going to be my doctor for delivery. Then I was told Dr. XYZ was going to be delivering my baby. Well neither one of them were there, and I don't even know the name of the doctor who was in the delivery room.

It was bad, and I wish it had gone better. I wish I had voiced my concerns during and even after labor. I did not want to cause any problems, and I kept quiet. Stupid me. I learned a lot from my experience, and I hope to change my birth plan the next time around. I may just forgo the hospital part and give birth at a birth center. Shocking, right? I just don't want to go through the same mess all over again.

Despite the not so great parts of my labor, I did end up meeting the most incredible little baby ever. The moment he was placed on my chest, all of my worries melted away. :)

Video Mondays: Elliot Talks!

2012-01-09T14:00:00.000-05:00

Baby E on July 20th - 3 months old

Video Mondays are back! It's hard to believe that our super mobile 8.5 month kiddo used to be that tiny and chubby. I loved his talkative phase, and I really miss it. I watch this video every now and then as a reminder of how much he has grown in the last couple of months. It's hard to believe that he will be celebrating his first birthday very soon. Enjoy the video!

Whiny Baby E

2012-01-09T13:00:00.000-05:00

This picture pretty sums up this past week -- a super whiny Baby E. He was in mid whine as I snapped this picture, and he just kept going and going and going. He made the week really unbearable, and it could not go by any slower. Sigh.

The reason? I'm still not sure. He could be teething, which would explain the excessive drooling. If he was so whiny during the day, you would think it would carry on to his sleep schedule at night, right? Nope. Just all whine during the day and peaceful sleeping through the night. Possibly his schedule is still thrown out of whack from the holidays, and the whining has become part of his new phase?

Of course one moment he could be super happy and laughing. Then the next moment he is in melt down mode, whining away. I just don't get it, and maybe that adds on to my frustration. I wish he could communicate his problems and we could solve this mystery.

Despite the super whiny week, I still love my little booger. All it takes is one huge squinty eye smile of his to make a bad day turn into a great one. :)

So I Quit Facebook...

2012-01-05T11:30:00.000-05:00

... and I survived! Okay it's really not a big deal, but one day I just got fed up with Facebook. I quit and haven't looked back. I honestly don't know why I stayed on there for so long or why I wasted so much of my time keeping up to date on my so called "friends." It was an unhealthy addiction, and I needed to realize my problem and eliminate it from my life.

As much as I dislike the social networking site, I can't forget that Facebook played a small part in my relationship with my husband. He "poked" me, and that jump started our friendship. That simple poke from a guy in my Accounting class turned into a relationship and now a family. Crazy.

I know this post doesn't really explain the reasons why I left, but I don't really need to type it all out. I am growing up, and Facebook is now part of my past. So if you are on Facebook and assumed that I deleted you from my friend's list, I did not. I am moving on.

Baby E's First Christmas

2012-01-04T10:00:00.000-05:00

Even though Christmas was a stressful time for me, it was also extra special because it was Baby E's very first Christmas. Last year he celebrated with us inside the womb...

The tiny little being inside of me at 22 weeks turned into an 8 month old boy this year...

family photo (rare for us) in front of the Christmas tree at my in-law's

We tired our best to incorporate our usual Christmas traditions. H and I considered buying a fake tree this year, but we decided against it. We wanted Baby E to experience everything that we love about Christmas, and having a real tree was essential. He even helped put up the ornaments!

putting the ornaments on the tree one by one

we're super excited!

On Christmas morning Baby E woke up super early at 5am, and all of us went downstairs to open presents under the tree. Of course he was more interested in a plastic Mr. Potato Head ear than his presents. We kept it low key this year and only bought him a few gifts. I have a feeling we will be spoiling him next year when he is able to understand and enjoy the holiday.

gnawing at his Mr. Potato Head ear

H and Baby E testing out a new toy

While I would have loved to stay home for the rest of the weekend, we had plans to spend it with our families. It may have been a stressful Christmas for us as a whole, but we survived. It was Baby E's very first Christmas and one that we will never forget.

Stressful Holiday

2012-01-03T11:00:00.000-05:00

My picture perfect Christmas would have been spent with my little family in our comfy home, lazily enjoying the day. Of course that didn't happen, and I wish I could go back in time and change it all. My poor little guy suffered so much, and he had such a difficult time being taken out of his element. He prefers to spend time with smaller groups of people, and a house full of 26 (plus 2 dogs) was a bit overwhelming. He was the center of attention, and it was too much for him to handle. By Monday my kiddo was tired and yearned to spend some quality time at home. Unfortunately we had one more family obligation to spend with my side, and he was a whining mess. I don't blame him one bit, and I wish I could have swooped him away from it all to go back home.

Not only was the holidays difficult for my little one, but it was also super stressful for the parents -- H and me. Leaving the house for the entire day for 3 days in a row is a lot of work. It would take us forever just to pack up and leave the house. Then by the end of the day we would pack everything up again to bring back home. Even with the two of us working together, it was not easy. In addition to trekking back and forth, we had to dodge so many questions and face criticism from family members. By the end of the day I felt like I was a horrible parents, constantly being judged. Oye.

I am very glad that it is over... until next time (Chinese New Years). Family get togethers will always be stressful from now on, and we just have to better mentally prepare. I just hope that it gets easier for Baby E as he gets older. Hoping that you had a less stressful holiday full of laughter and cheer spent with family and friends. Next time can I join you? We can trade places. :)

Happy New Year!

2012-01-02T10:00:00.000-05:00

Since I didn't get a chance to review the past year in December, I'll take this opportunity to wish everyone a happy new year and reflect on the last 365 days of 2011. I have had the most challenging and rewarding year of my life, and I am looking forward to what the new year will bring to my little family.

This past year...

I was pregnant with our little ninja :)

ultrasound 2/23 -- 30 weeks, 6 days

34 weeks pregnant

and preparing for the arrival of our little one

prepping the nursery

celebrating with wonderful family & friends at the baby shower

Then our little ninja came into this world as Baby E....

my precious Baby E --- so perfect

We grew from a family of 2 to a family of 3

can't keep my eyes off of him

father & son bonding

and boy was taking care of a newborn a challenge

H giving our tiny baby a bath

feeding Baby E

and a great adventure

going for a walk around the neighborhood with Baby E in the ergo - his very 1st garage sale

our first official outing at Newark Nite

ready for his first driving experience

Baby E eagerly awaiting an adventurous car ride

our first family beach trip

each day is a new day filled with laughter and joy

having the best time in his jumperoo

so happy to be spending time with us

being such a ham -- love him!

and he is growing at an alarming rate right before our eyes

filling out his car seat...

and looking like a cute little buddha

chewing and eating solid foods

and even beginning to crawl like a pro

he loves to walk/run around and show off his two bottom teeth

and he absolutely loves to pull himself up

Yup this past year has been simply the best, and I know that 2012 will be even better. There will be new adventures awaiting us, and I can already tell that we will have a blast. :)

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-25T07:00:00.000-05:00

Baby E Meets Santa... 2x!

2011-12-23T21:02:00.000-05:00

Will my 8 month old remember his first meeting with Santa? Probably not. At least he can relive it through the pictures that his parents took on that special day at the mall back in December of 2011. :)

Honestly I didn't even think about bringing Baby E to see Santa. It was H's idea, and he wanted to start the tradition right away. I'm glad that we did because it was a great family experience. We went to our local mall on a Monday afternoon to avoid the crowds and get some more one on one time with the big fella.

We invited my FIL to come join us on our adventure, and he was happy to spend some quality time with his grandson.

We only have 4 family pictures of us, and now this makes 5. Baby E had no clue what we were doing or why we were waiting in line. He was in for a nice surprise. I tried to get him excited a few days earlier and made a pit stop to check out Santa's sweet spot at the mall. He looked in the opposite direction.

Here is the big jolly guy, and he sure was a nice one. His beard is all real, and I was might impressed. Now here is where we take a break from our family camera and go straight to the not so lovely one taken by the "professional" Santa's helpers. Ours decided to take a break from all the clicking, and sadly the photos did not save to the memory card.

Hehe. Baby E looks funny in this picture, but that's the only one we could get of him looking directly in the camera. He spent a majority of the time looking up at Santa. He was very well behaved but started to whine towards the end. I was kind of sad that we couldn't capture the typical crying baby on Santa's lap photo.

Since we didn't get to capture the special moment on our camera, we decided to go back to see Santa for round number 2! Santa provides free hugs, free smiles, and free wishes with no requirement of purchasing photos. I didn't feel so bad bringing Baby E to see the jolly old man again. There was no one behind us in line, and Santa was very friendly. He even looked directly at our camera! Here's the play by play...

So there you have it! Hoping that next year will be just as successful. We'll add these photos in our album of embarrassing photos to show him in the future. :)

My LO is Growing Up

2011-12-16T14:55:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I slept in a little later than usual. Baby E normally wakes up at 6am, but he wanted to be an early riser at 5. I decided to let him cry it out a bit before coming to the rescue. We both slept in until 8, and this is what I saw when I opened his door...

How in the... where did he learn that? Most of his developments usually happen over night. Maybe he dreams about the movements necessary to accomplish such a feat.

Moments later he falls down and hits his chin on the crib. I go into panic mode and swoop him out of the crib and onto the changing pad. Mommy brain decided to save him and change his smelly poo diaper all at the same time. I had some chest pains from going into panic mode, but it went away soon after.

Like all new developments in Baby E's life, he just doesn't stop when he learns something new. As soon as he would go in his crib, he immediately reached for the top to pull himself up. He would fall down and do it all over again. Crazy kid!!

Here's a play by play...

Of course putting him down for his first nap was nearly impossible. He kept pulling himself up, and I was scared for his life. Sleeping was the last thing he wanted to do. This new found mobility was just too much fun. Oye. Luckily he did get a tad drunk from his bottle of milk and eventually passed out.

This is a true sign that he is growing up way too fast. H had to lower his crib, and it just doesn't feel the same anymore. Our little one is going to be a toddler before we know it. I can't believe that he will be 8 months old in a few days. Crazy!!

Here are more pictures for your viewing pleasure...

Santa Baby...

2011-12-12T21:31:00.002-05:00

Santa & Baby E - 7.5 months

*more photos to come!

Flashback: Milburn Orchard

2011-12-08T14:00:00.000-05:00

I have been very behind on editing photos, and I'm trying to make an effort to edit a few batches every week. Today I bring you back to the nice warm fall weather at the beginning of October. H had off on Columbus Day, and we took the opportunity to bring Baby E to Milburn Orchard for some pumpkin filled fun. He just woke up from a nap, and he looks a tad grumpy in the photos below. I'm hoping that he will be able to enjoy it much more next year.

on our way to the orchard!

what a tiny little head.. aww. doesn't he make a cute little apple?

big pumpkin, little baby

how tall this fall? 2 feet!

yes, my kid likes to be on his tippy toes at all times.. sigh

hehe.. he's wearing a hat!

oh look! another hat! he is not amused...

... but he likes to touch the pumpkins! yay!

sooooo many pumpkins!

my little bee!

baby e's first tractor

ooooh animal sighting

eye to eye

soooo cute

baby e just one finger away from making a not so nice gesture

daddy & son are both a tad camera shy

I want to touch...

Video Mondays: Bumbo Time

2011-12-05T13:47:00.000-05:00

Baby E had a lot of Bumbo time in the early months. He was born with practically no neck strength whatsoever (poor kiddo), but he did make progress with tummy time. Unfortunately his head got a tad too heavy for his small body, and he could no longer hold up his head during tummy time. It was a miracle when he started rolling over. We had no idea he could even hold up his head. It must be all the premature Bumbo time. :) Now at 7 months old, he is not a fan of sitting still. His Bumbo has been demoted as snack holder.

Baby E on May 24th - one month old

Baby E on June 14th - almost 2 months old

Baby E on July 9th - 2.5 months old

Fun Fact Fridays: The Snotsucker!

2011-12-02T12:30:00.000-05:00

Fun Fact Fridays #6
Snotsucker. Hehe. I can't say that in my head without giggling a little. There are so many silly products on the market, and I'm usually good at staying away from them. It changes quite a bit when you become a parent, and anything that can help your child is immediately put into the Amazon shopping cart, regardless of how silly it might seem.

Enter the Snotsucker! It is a nasal aspirator that brings a special connection to you and your child. By special connection I mean that there is a tube that connects my mouth to my little one's nose. Gross! No worries because it is totally worth it. It is all the rave among parents, and I bought it shortly after Baby E was born. At first it was difficult to get the tube into his nose (he has smaller than average nostrils), and his boogies were on the dry side. H was fine using the blue bulb from the hospital, and I left the boogie sucking duties to him.

Then the cold weather arrived, and the blue bulb was no where to be found. The Snotsucker makes a reappearance, and I am the one who is in charge of sucking my son's boogers out. It's one of the perks to being a parent. :) I admit that it is very effective, and I use it almost everyday. Of course my kid likes to give me a hard time and turn his head away every single time I approach his nose with the tube. He did comply for a week. I think he secretly enjoys the feeling of his nose clearing up.

NoseFrida -- The Snotsucker!
Source: NoseFrida

Want to see how it works? Check out below. I would record my own experience with it for entertainment sake, but I'm afraid that I don't have the skill to operate a camera and a baby with the Snotsucker.

The Snotsucker Video Demonstration
Source: NoseFrida

Also note that my baby does not stay still, and I'm pretty sure that most babies will squirm.

The silly products don't end there! Next we have Boogie Wipe, and it goes very well with the Snotsucker. Hehe. The saline wipes are perfect and gentle for stuffy baby noses. Baby E loves it when I wipe his nose, and he grabs the wipe to ~~eat~~ inspect it after.

Source: Amazon.com

To solve all of your baby nose needs this winter, be prepared with the Snotsucker and Boogie Wipes. Silly names. Great products. Baby approved!

Video Mondays: Sleeping on Mommy

2011-11-28T11:00:00.000-05:00

Being a new parent is a lot of work, and I am constantly learning about my little one. I think most parents run into the problem of putting your little one to sleep. One day I learned that if I could get Baby E in the perfect position on my chest, he would fall into a deep, peaceful sleep. I was so in love with my little bugger that I didn't mind being his personal bed. :)

Baby E on May 26th -- 1 month old

Fun Fact Fridays: Sun Bleaching

2011-11-25T11:30:00.000-05:00

Fun Fact Fridays #5
There is a lot to learn in the world of cloth diapering. What do you do with stinky dirty diapers filled with poo? How do the stains come out? Well kids, let's look up at the sky. What is that you see? The sun!! Bingo!

http://www.everythingcloth.com/2011/03/sanitizing-power-of-sun.html

I'll admit that I was skeptical at first. Would it really work on those nasty stains? Can the sun really be as powerful as bleach? I put a stained poo diaper to the test by first washing the diaper and then drying it out in the sun. Sure enough the stain magically came out after a few hours of "tanning." Now I no longer worry about Baby E's poo stained diapers or clothes. It may sound crazy, but give it a try. You might just be amazed. :)

Baby E on July 8th - 2.5 months old

surrounded by clean, sun bleached diapers :)

Turkey Day is Near...

2011-11-23T10:30:00.000-05:00

Thanksgiving is quickly approaching, and this year will be different from most. Baby E will be celebrating his first Turkey Day at home, and we have invited our parents over for lunch. We usually spend the day with H's extended family, but Baby E's sleep schedule doesn't allow us to go out as a family in the evenings (he goes to bed at 6pm). I hope his family will understand.

no hot pot Thanksgiving for us this year with the family

I have a fairly simple meal planned, which consists of the following:

Alton Brown's Turkey
Vegan Mashed Potatoes
Roasted Carrots & Cauliflower
Green Beans
Cranberry Sauce
Pillsbury Crescent Rolls

Yup that's pretty simple. H has made the turkey for the past 3 years, and hopefully he can recreate the awesomeness again this year. We're making mashed potatoes with Earth Balance butter & almond milk, which is actually really yummy. I have to stick to a wheat free vegan diet thanks to Baby E's allergies. I'm not making anything complicated because time does not allow for it. It is lunch after all, and that means early morning cooking.

mmm... turkey

Hoping this Turkey Day will be a very memorable one this year with Baby E. I plan on watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade with him in the morning. :) Maybe he can help us out in the kitchen too.

Oh and here is a picture of Baby E to make this post worthy of awesomeness. Yay!

Baby E on May 21st - one month old
letting out a big yawn with the cutest face ever

Recognizing My Problem...

2011-11-21T14:00:00.000-05:00

Something is missing. I can't always pin point exactly what it is, but I spend a majority of my day feeling less than stellar. Is it depression? Possibly?

Parenthood is difficult. I didn't expect it to be easy, and I knew that it would bring about lots of challenges. The first couple of months were brutal. I was all on my own during the day taking care of an infant. On top of the usual feed, play, change diaper routine, I was pumping every 2 hours. I never had time to myself, and I desperately wanted things to get better. Every new change in Baby E also meant a new change to our schedule. Every step forward that we took was always followed by one step back. It felt like nothing ever got easier, just more manageable for a short amount of time. I fell apart and would break down almost on a weekly basis. I cried for so many nights and felt so defeated.

Baby E on May 26th - one month old
constantly on the move and trying to fight mommy & daddy

Then it started to actually get easier without stepping backwards. Baby E started rolling and moving around. He developed a super awesome personality and found ways to communicate with us. He stopped eating every 2 hours, increased his intake per bottle (from 3.5 oz to 5.0 oz), and started to eat every 3 hours. I gradually started to go longer between pumps, from 2 hours to 3-4 hours. We established a bedtime schedule, and he went from 3-4 middle of the night feedings down to 1. He dropped a few naps, and now we're down to 2, both of which last between 90 minutes and 120 minutes. He goes down for the night between 6:00 pm and 6:30 pm.

Baby E on October 6th - 5.5 months old

loving life and loving his Ham

H and I finally have time for ourselves at night. We can cook dinner and eat together without interruption. We can sit down on the couch and watch an entire movie. We can have a babysitter watch Baby E for the night and not worry about a thing. It is a great feeling.

Family Photobooth Fun in Ocean City - Baby E 4.5 months old

So it is official. It has gotten easier. Of course there are always challenges, and it keeps life interesting. I love living in the moment and seeing my baby grow. Sometimes I even miss the days when he was itty bitty. I know that I will continue to enjoy each milestone of his. I am looking forward to his 1st birthday, the moment he learns to walk on his own, hearing his first word, and so much more.

What's missing? Life is getting better. Taking care of Baby E has gotten easier. I no longer break down on a weekly basis. Well maybe I do but in a very different way. I find myself buried deep in thoughts. I beat myself up over every flaw and every failure. I am constantly on the move trying to accomplish 10 things at once and then being so overwhelmed that I actually don't get anything done. I feel constant pressure to be super mom and super wife, and I believe that I fail at both. I can't do everything, but I feel like I have to. I feel like everyone is watching and scrutinizing my ability to be a stay at home mother. I no longer feel like myself anymore...

I have concluded that my issues are much deeper than I sometimes even realize. I recognize that I have a problem, whether it is defined as depression or not. I need to make the step to analyze my life and figure out why I feel the way I do. This is my first step -- realizing I have a problem. Next up -- finding an outlet to express my feelings. That is where my blog steps in...

Video Mondays: Baby E's Moves

2011-11-21T13:51:00.000-05:00

I would like to introduce to you Video Mondays on the blog. Tada! It's the perfect way to start your week with a little dose of me, H, or Baby E (depending on who will be featured... most likely a lot of Baby E). I'll travel back in time and present to you a video of Baby E when he was a week old. He was always a mover inside of me, and it's no surprise that he would constantly move his limbs outside of the womb too. He is my little fighter. :)

Baby E on April 26th - 1 week old

Fun Fact Fridays: Baby Nails

2011-11-18T10:30:00.000-05:00

I'm bring back "Fun Baby Info" and renaming it "Fun Fact Fridays." :)

Let's start the first official Fun Fact Fridays by talking about baby nails. Did you know that babies can be born with super long nails? Somehow I just assumed they would be the perfect length at birth. Boy was I wrong. Baby E had long nails, and we were very worried parents. Would he claw himself? He was a pretty active infant who would constantly move his arms and legs. Could his nails bend and inflict pain on my little one? To put our worries aside, we went to Walgreens right after leaving the hospital to pick up a nail file. We were too scared to use real baby nail clippers, but we were not patient enough to slowly file away at each and every nail either. A few days later I used baby nail clippers and clipped his nails while Baby E took a nap.

His nails grow at an incredibly fast rate, and I can barely keep up with him. It has become increasingly difficult to cut his nails because he hates being restrained in any way. Oye. It doesn't help that he loves to scratch, and no matter how often I cut his nails, they are always sharp.

In case you are wondering, the answer is yes. I accidentally cut too close and inflicted pain on my little one resulting in tears. I won the worst parent award for that day. There was blood and a nice band aid to cover up the boo boo. :(

Baby E on April 18th right after being born -- pretty goo-licious

Check out those nails!

Baby E "Walks"

2011-11-15T19:40:00.001-05:00

I have failed tremendously at keeping up with Baby E's life on the blog. As a peace offering, I give you this video of him walking in his Around We Go Activity Station by Bright Starts.

Baby E on Oct 23rd - 6 months old

Official "I Need to Start Blogging Again" Post

2011-11-05T09:30:00.000-04:00

This is my official "I need to start bogging again" post. It happens every so often. I blog for a week or two and then jump off the bandwagon as usual. Maybe this time will be different. Maybe this time I will make this part of my schedule and not abandon my blog for weeks/months at a time.

Honestly, I need blogging. As mentioned multiple times on this blog, I have been doing this since 2003. That's 8 years of blogging! It has saved me so many times before, and I need it once again to keep sane.

The last couple of weeks/months have been mentally and physically draining. Finding time for myself is rare. I need to make a better effort to take care of myself, whether it is finding the time to take a shower or finding the time to sit down and relax.

Now I have to figure out how to wiggle in some "me" time without sacrificing sleep... hmm.

Brain Dump: Things that Bother Me

2011-11-05T09:00:00.003-04:00

Entry written originally on Sunday, September 4th...

There are a few things that are really bothering me as of late. Brain dump time...

I still can't get over my in-laws lack of involvement in Baby E's life. I think I just get more angry and frustrated as he gets older because that's even more time that they're missing out on. My FIL came over on Friday while my SIL was babysitting for the evening. We just assumed that he would stick around for a while, but he left 15 minutes after we did. By the way, the baby was taking a nap at the time, and he didn't even get a chance to say hello. Argh.

[update] It has gotten better, and my in-laws have made more of an effort to see Baby E. Just wish that relationship was established from the beginning.

My Mom informed me that my in-law's family had made a few comments about me being a stay at home mother. An Aunt had spoken to my sister about my new role, and it wasn't in the positive light. Oye. H begs to differ. I can't help but to think that people look down upon me. I have this weird thing where I actually care what other people think of me, and having people judge me for my decision to stay home to take care of my son makes me feel very crappy.

[update] My mother pointed out the aunt who made the comment in a family photo. Now I'm reminded of the comment all over again and still feeling pretty crappy.

I have been pumping for almost 20 weeks. *pats self on back* Although I'm proud of myself for sticking to it, I wonder if anyone else thinks what I'm doing is worth it. What sane person would spend over 120 minutes (more like 200 minutes) a day at the pump? Going back to my in-laws lack of involvement... do they even understand how much time and effort it takes to pump, especially away from home? It is a pain in the butt to carry my pump, accessories, soap, bottle brush, and extra bottles with me just to go to their house. I spend a lot of time pumping and washing every 2 hours. They don't see the behind the scenes production work. Bottles with breast milk just magically appear. It is not that easy. I wonder if they even know that Baby E has been drinking solely breast milk for the past 3 months.

[update] 20 weeks turned into 28.5 weeks. I officially reached my long term 6 month goal. Woot! I pump less often now (every 3-4 hours instead of every 2 with only 1 middle of the night pump). Very proud of my pumping efforts but increasingly feeling inadequate for not being able to breastfeed directly.

Back to my Mom... she told my younger sister to steer clear from the path that I have taken into being a stay at home mother. It is better to find a career than to start a family and stay at home. Be independent she says. Okay, I'll go ahead and take away your grandson. Pshh... only if you knew most of the stuff that she says on a daily basis. My Mother isn't the nicest person out there, far from it. My angry high school days did a great job of documenting my not so great relationship with her. People ask her about her involvement in Baby E's life, whether or not she takes care of him. Most people just assume that grandparents watch over their grandchildren. She responds with the same answer each time. She doesn't know how to take care of babies. No lie. She is the most awkward when it comes to holding a baby. She makes everyone in the room feel uneasy and tells everyone she doesn't know what she is doing. In case you couldn't tell, my Dad took care of us. He is also the one who comes over when I need help taking care of Baby E.

[update] The longer that I'm in the role of being a SAHM, the worse I feel about myself. I don't feel any approval from anyone besides my husband. I hate it when people look down upon me. I wish I could be a better me, a person who can actually contribute to society...

Pump It, Pump It Good

2011-10-20T12:00:00.000-04:00

Entry originally written on Wednesday, August 31st...

How am I still pumping? I must be crazy...

Maybe pumping is a challenge that I take too seriously. Through trial and error, I have perfected the art of pumping that works for my family. It is something that I'm very proud of, but it's not exactly something that I get a lot of credit for doing. I don't need people to pat me on the back and cheer me on (or do I?), but I would appreciate it if they could understand that it's no easy task. Not only do I have to take care of my baby's needs, I have to spend 20 minutes at the pump every 2 hours. It's definitely not easy.

My original goal was to pump and provide Baby E with breast milk for 3 months. At the time I was 6 weeks postpartum when I made that goal. I thought it was a foolish and impossible thing to do. Haha. Well it's not impossible, and I have surpassed my original goal. I would like to think that 6 months is my next goal, but I try not to think a certain number. I just take it one day at a time.

I consider myself extremely lucky to be an exclusive pumper who has been able to provide my baby with 100% breast milk for the last 3.5 months. I also have a nice freezer stash, which often surprises people. Isn't it crazy how modern technology has allowed a mother like me to provide breast milk to my son without him ever going directly to my boob? I am lucky.

I still face ongoing battles. Having mastitis was a total nightmare. Frequent clogged ducts are a bummer. Many lost hours of sleep every single night add up and make for a very tired Yin. My schedule revolves around pumping, and I have been tied to the pump for the last 155+ days. I don't know when the end will come. This has become part of my life, and it's hard to find the right time to let go.

Honestly I thought I would give up by now. 3 months is good enough. Why do I have to go longer? Maybe because I'm physically capable of doing so. Maybe because it is one of the biggest challenges I have come to face, and I don't want to see myself give up just yet. Maybe I fear how Baby E's life will change once formula enters his body again. Will he have an upset stomach? Will he miss the taste of breast milk?

Happy 1/2 Birthday!

2011-10-19T12:27:00.000-04:00

Every 2 Hours

2011-08-31T03:45:00.000-04:00

Baby E Sleeps - 2.5 Weeks Old

Baby E is going through a new developmental stage in his life, and we're not so sure what that is exactly. He just likes to wake up every 2 hours in the middle of the night (every 1.5 hours towards the end), which is a little out of the ordinary for my little guy. Last month he was consistently sleeping one 4-5 hour stretch in the middle of the night. Since last week he has been restless and waking up frequently, too frequently.

Eating every 2 hours around the clock was part of the everyday routine a few months ago. Now that I look back, I have no clue how I took care of him on such little sleep. I'm having a difficult time adjusting back to this routine, and the lack of sleep is definitely catching up on me. I feel defeated most mornings trying to add up my hours of sleep, 30 minutes at a time.

In addition to waking up every 2 hours, Baby E hasn't been sleeping too well. If we're lucky, he will stay sleeping until it's time for his hungry tummy to wake him up. Lately we're not so lucky, and he wakes up after sleeping for only a few minutes. Then I go back to comfort him until he falls asleep. A few minutes later he is crying again because he woke up. This goes on for about half an hour sometimes until he finally sleeps for good. It's a lot of work for both baby and mommy.

I am no super human, and I need help every now and then. That's where I give in and call my dad to come over. He enjoys spending time with his grandson, and I enjoy an extra hour or two of sleep in the afternoon. :)

I hope that Baby E will eventually go back to sleeping longer stretches in the middle of the night. I'm looking forward to getting more than 1/2 hour to an hour of sleep at a time. One day, one day.

My Baby & My In-Laws -- Continued

2011-08-19T10:14:00.001-04:00

Entry originally written on Sunday, August 7th...

The story of my in-law's lack of involvement continues this week with an interesting development. H's sister came on Thursday to babysit while we went to run some errands. We were nearing in on 2 weeks without a proper trip to the grocery store, and our poor fridge reflected that. She informed us that her parents were quite upset with us. The reason? We were not doing our part to bring Baby E to visit his grandparents.

Stop right there. Whatttt? Why can't they come over? Oh they just pulled the stupid culture/tradition card out, and I call that complete bologna. As a reminder, my in-laws only came to visit once after we came home from the hospital during Baby E's first week of life. Since then we have been on baby transportation duty to bring Baby E to my in-laws. Not cool.

So here's their argument -- now that we're old enough to get married and have a family of our own, we need to take care of them. My own parents remind me of this all the time, mainly because they are old and retired now. According to my in-laws, part of taking care of them means that we have to bring Baby E to visit them. In the beginning we happily obliged because we figured that their schedules were a bit hectic with work. Then weeks passed and eventually that led to months without any interest in seeing their grandson. Okay that's not true. They wanted to see their grandson, but they didn't want to give in and come over to our house. Sounds silly, right? Stupid culture crap. It was okay for us to meet up at a buffet and have dinner together, but it was not okay for them to come over to our house where Baby E spends most of his life. Stupid!

A day later my FIL decided to visit "out of the blue." Then my MIL came the day after that. What?!? Oh yeah it must be H's sister who told them how much Baby E has grown. They had to eventually give in, right? How else are they going to see Baby E roll around?

H has to remind me that it is their loss if they don't want to visit. They are the ones who are missing out on his milestones. They are the ones who are almost strangers in Baby E's life.

Am I supposed to feel guilty? Maybe. I am depriving my in-laws of grandson time because I won't make the effort to visit them. Actually I would make the effort if they made an effort on their part. My original plan was to visit them every other week if they showed interest in coming to visit us. Scratch that plan and throw it out the window. It's not us. It's them.

I don't think they fully comprehend how much of a production it is to get out of the house with a baby. Here is the run down...

wait until Baby E wakes up from his nap, feed him, change his diaper
prepare bottles with breast milk
put together pump bag (pump, flanges, battery pack, etc.)
pack diaper bag (diapers, cooler bag for milk, bibs, changing pad, wipes, etc.)
time it just right & pump as soon as H starts feeding Baby E
put baby in car seat while we run around the house
wash bottles and pump accessories right before heading out the door

The biggest obstacle for us is my pumping schedule, Baby E's milk supply, and his eating schedule. I need to pump every 2-3 hours, and it's not very convenient most of the times when we are out. Baby E still drinks every 2 hours, making it difficult to run the simplest of errands.

They even said that if we can run errands with the baby, then we can visit them on our way home. Let me remind you that they live 20 minutes away from us, and their house is not on our way home from any shopping areas. We would have to go out of our way to visit them, and it would be a huge inconvenience on our part. Oye. Plus we usually run errands during the work week, often coming home around 9:00 PM - 10:00 PM. What was once a simple trip to Costco takes twice as long. It's not easy with a baby.

I just want my in-laws to understand. Leaving the house isn't easy for us. It would be much more convenient if they could take some time out of their week (no, make that month) to visit their grandson. We are new parents, and we're still getting the hang of it. Be nice. That's all we ask.

Debbie Downer Moment

2011-08-18T00:37:00.000-04:00

I went to H's high school reunion this past weekend. I had a good time and enjoyed the well organized festivities. It got me thinking about my own reunion. At first it was a no brainer. I would most definitely go to my reunion, but that feeling has changed. I don't think I am successful enough to feel adequate in such an environment. Everyone asks the same questions...

Where do you live?
What do you do?
Are you in a relationship? Married? Children?

My answer? I live in the same city I've lived in my whole life. I am happily married and have a pretty awesome little family. What do I do? Well... I'm a stay at home mother. *whomp, whomp, whomp* Ouch. Way to put myself down.

I went to college. I graduated. I was jobless for a year, and then I worked but not in my ideal environment. Now I take care of my family. It's not much to brag about.

How do you define success? For some, I can be considered successful (graduated college, married, living in a house, raising my baby). To others, I am lacking (not very career oriented/never had a career, not contributing financially to family income, etc.). Personally, I don't feel very accomplished. I don't feel good about myself. I am a failure.

Maybe part of it is being socially accepted. In our society, women are supposed to be super humans. They juggle having a family and a career. Am I less of a person because I don't work? Maybe that's how I feel.

Do I want to work right now? No. I want to stay home and take care of my baby. I want to be there for him and provide him with the best of everything. I want to be there when he smiles. I want to be there when he cries. He is my world. I can't imagine putting him in daycare and missing out on 40+ hours of his life every single week.

*talks to self* Yin, stop being so sad. Suck it up! You have a great life. Don't worry about what others think. You have many years ahead to do what you love in life. It doesn't matter that a career never developed straight out of college. You wouldn't have been happy anyways. You want to make a difference in the world and feel good doing it. That is mighty hard to do that when companies only care about making money. You care about others. Take it one step at a time. You're a mother, and your baby loves hanging out with you. Your husband is awesome and supports every single thing you do. Right now focus on being the best mommy and wifey ever. Don't sweat the small stuff.

*takes a breath*

Being a Mother...

2011-08-14T06:45:00.000-04:00

Posing for a picture with Baby E at his first Newark Nite

It's 6:30 AM, and I have only had 2 hours of sleep. I am a mother.

After picking up Baby E from Uncle Anthony & Aunt Melissa's house, we came home around midnight. I immediately went upstairs to pump for 30 minutes. I then stayed up another 2 hours to pump again, afraid that I would wait too long between pump sessions. I fell asleep for 2 hours and woke up again to pump. I pump to provide my son with food. I am a mother, his mother.

While cleaning my pump parts and preparing bottles, I hear Baby E cry. It is time for his feeding, and I cannot go back to bed. I feed him. I change him. He is not very happy with me. Maybe it's because he is still sleeping and doesn't understand what's going on. Poor little guy. H comes over to calm him down. He is now awake and ready to finish eating. My heart melts just looking at him. I am a mother, his mother.

I went outside in the rain to spray down his dirty diaper. I touch poo more than the average person, and I don't mind it. I wash diapers on a daily basis, and I feel good knowing that his bum is healthy. I am a mother, his mother.

Now I can't go back to sleep. I am hungry, so hungry. Even though I can't say that I breastfeed, I do exclusively pump. I burn calories just like those mothers who actually breastfeed. I didn't eat nearly enough yesterday. It wasn't by choice. It was by circumstance. Did you know that I need an extra 500 calories a day? While pregnant, I only needed an extra 300 a day. I actually eat more now than I ever did when I was pregnant. I have quite the appetite. The kind of appetite that is keeping me from sleeping. I am a mother.

My job is to be the best mother possible to Baby E. My work hours are not limited to the weekday from 9:00 AM - 5:00 PM. I work around the clock, often lacking much needed sleep. That's okay because I am his mother.

Mastitis, I Hate You

2011-08-08T01:23:00.001-04:00

Baby E is so precious and makes my struggles worth it

Entry written on Wednesday, August 3rd...

This is the second night in a row that I've cried after my midnight pumping session. I cried and cried and cried. I have reached an all time low. I have no one to talk to about this... so you guys get to be my lucky audience.

I have mastitis, and it started on Saturday night. In simple terms, it is a breast infection. It starts out like an ordinary clogged duct, which I am all too familiar with. Then throw in a horrible fever, chills, and the inability to function. So far there is no happy ending in sight. I went to the Emergency Room in a panic. I needed to get my hands on a prescription for antibiotics as soon as possible to prevent the infection from getting worse. Many hours of lost sleep later, I got my hand on the drugs I needed. By then my fever had gone down. The chills went away. The clogged duct was still clogged. Three days later, and it is even more clogged than before.

I'm at an all time low. I can't stand being forced to pump every 2 hours around the clock to get rid of this stupid clogged duct. If I don't, then it can lead to abscess. At the rate I'm going, that can very well be in my future.

I desperately want this to go away. My infected right breast hurts each and every time I have to pump. I can feel the pump pulling on the clogs in attempts to loosen the blockage. I hold on to the little bit of hope that maybe this time it will finally unclog. I listen intently for the sudden swoosh of milk that empties into the bottle. I don't hear it. I just feel intense pain.

Pumping every 2 hours means that I lose a lot of sleep. I'm still taking care of Baby E, but I'm not 100% there. My mind is focused on the pain. My body is deprived of sleep. If I sneak in an extra hour of sleep, I feel extremely guilty. What if I had woken up earlier to pump? What if that was my opportunity to get rid of my pain? Pumping every 2 hours means that my pump session at midnight that lasted almost an hour long will have to be followed by another pump session at 2 AM. I only get an hour to rest before it starts all over again. To save my sanity, I spend most of my sessions pumping for 20 minutes. I don't have the effort and time to focus on unclogging the infected breast at each session.

I feel alone. I don't have anyone to talk to about my problems. My husband is the only person who I can reach out to in the middle of the night and bawl my eyes out. But... he has work in the morning. He is a super human and goes to work during the day and takes care of Baby E and me at night. He falls asleep around midnight or later, only to wake up 6 hours later to get ready for work. He hates to see me in tears, but I can't help it.

Happy Mom = Happy Baby? Well I'm not so happy anymore. I can't give Baby E the attention he needs when I'm suffering. I want to quit pumping. I wish I could just quit cold turkey right now, but I fear the medical problems that would result from suddenly quitting.

No worries. The good news is that the infection is gone (I think), and I feel much better. The clogged duct slowly disappeared, which is a tad different from usual. I had a milk blister get in the way of my recovery. Boo. I'm just glad that my boobies feel better. Oh the joys of exclusively pumping! My dad also came over this week to help me take care of Baby E since I wasn't feeling so great. Yay for help! Yay for family! Thanks goes out to my sister for bringing me to the ER on Saturday night. As for quitting, I might be closer to that point of giving up. I'm just not quite there yet.

Fun Baby Info: Shaky Head

2011-07-11T11:47:00.000-04:00

Fun Baby Info #3
Baby E likes to shake his head from side to side to go after the nipple on the bottle when he's hungry. It is so stinking adorable. He will also do the same to H's nose when he's hungry. Hehe. As he is getting older, he has been doing this less often. It makes us very sad because it's a Baby E specialty.

Cloth Diapering Adventure Begins!!

2011-07-10T09:45:00.000-04:00

We have officially switched over to cloth diapers! It's a pretty exciting new change for us, and we have adjusted quite well. It has almost been 2 weeks since Baby E has been wrapped up in cloth diapers, and I'm regretting the fact that we didn't switch sooner. It was so scary at first, and I was afraid that I wouldn't like the cloth over the ease of disposable diapers. Well I absolutely love the cloth diapers!

Baby E being cute and surrounded by his cloth diapers

The Good:

healthier looking bum
not adding too many more disposable diapers in the landfills
gives him a nice booty
$$ savings

The Not that Bad:

Baby E is very bothered by a wet diaper (which is actually a good & will help him with potty training in the future)
being very up close and personal with his poo
washing diapers everyday (also not that bad b/c it is easier than doing a load of normal laundry for me)

The Bad:

we have a ton of gifted disposable diapers that are sitting around our house with no purpose

Yay for cloth diapers! I think Baby E loves them as much as I do. Hehe.

My Baby & My In-Laws

2011-07-09T09:41:00.004-04:00

My wedding was far from what I had envisioned for the big day, and my in-laws had a lot to do with that. They were opinionated and had the final say on all the major decisions. Because of this I was afraid of what the future would be like once H and I started a family. It was the hot topic of discussion, mainly stemming from my fear of the in-laws taking over. Would they be super involved in my child's life? Would they teach my child Vietnamese? Would they have a say in how H and I would raise our family? I was on the verge of being paranoid of the future. I knew the ugly side of my in-laws from wedding planning, and I wanted nothing to do with that when it came to our family.

My mother in-law was very particular as to when H and I would start having kids. She insisted that we start soon after the wedding because having a baby in 2011 would be good luck for us. I thought she was nuts, and I was going to do everything possible to spite her (I do that often) and hold off on starting a family. As you know, that did not go according to plan.

my in-laws visiting Baby E at the hospital

So Baby E is here, and we have our own little family. How involved are H's parents? Well I shouldn't have been so worried after all because it is the complete opposite of what I had imagined. They really do take a hands off approach and have only visited Baby E at home once when we came home from the hospital. Doesn't that seem odd? They have seen him since then, but we are the ones who have to bring Baby E to them. Why? The excuse is that they work all the time and don't have time to visit. Pshhh. Excuses.

I should be happy that they are leaving us alone and not have to worry about them being overly involved. Of course that is not the case. I'm actually pretty upset that they won't make the effort to visit their grandson. I'm also upset that H and I have to bring Baby E to them. Do they not understand how much work and time it takes to get out of the house with a baby? They are missing out on so much, and it's really a shame. Baby E is growing day by day, and they can't see any of that. Each time we visit them, Baby E is asleep. There is no interaction. Then my mother in-law decides that it's perfectly fine to wake up the baby just so that she can hold him. Ughh.

the super adorable Baby E that my in-laws are missing out on

While I don't want our parents to be overly involved, I do want them to be present. I want my son to have a good, healthy relationship with both sets of his grandparents. I never had a chance to spend much time with my own grandparents, and I want him to have the opportunity that I missed out on. Is that too much to ask for? By the way, Baby E is the first grandson for both my parents and my in-laws.

My parents love to visit Baby E. The frequency of their visits can be a bit annoying at times, but I like knowing that they are proud grandparents. They love to see Baby E grow and admire his super awesome features. I think they are quite excited to see him grow into a big kid and be able to take him places. I also think they are hoping that he learns Cantonese. I'm not so sure H is on board with that, but secretly, I would like Baby E to learn too. Shhh...

my parents holding Baby E for the first time

So basically my in-laws are MIA, and their lack of involvement is bugging me. It bothers me so much that I bring it up almost every single day. I can't wrap my head around why they don't want to come over to visit their grandson. My friends have come to visit Baby E at home more often than my in-laws. It makes no freaking sense. Arghh!

Fun Baby Info: Curled Up Poo

2011-07-08T13:02:00.000-04:00

Yes, I take pictures of my baby's poo...

Fun Baby Info #2:
Curled up poo. Doesn't that make for an interesting title? Baby E is a super pooper, but he has had some bumps in the pooing road. At first, pooing came completely natural to him. He had more dirty diapers than wet diapers when he was first born. Then he reached a point where pooing became more difficult, and he wasn't sure how to deal with it. He tried to chug milk in hopes of having poo come out at the other end. Sometimes it worked, but most of the times he would be extremely frustrated. I felt bad for the little dude. Then one day I noticed he would curl up in almost a fetal position. Weird. He would throw his body forward and stay curled up for a while. There would be some grunting involved, followed by a nice, loud fart. That's my boy!

Breastfeeding Broken Down

2011-07-06T10:58:00.001-04:00

Problem: Baby E won't latch on and feed from the source. I pump every 2-3 hours during the day/evenings and 3-4 hours at bedtime. It is physically and mentally draining, but Baby E gets the nutrition he needs.

attempting to breastfeed soon after Baby E made his appearance

Physically Draining: Yes, physically milk is draining out of me and into a bottle. Other physical aspects include sore, cracked nipples, frequent clogged ducts, engorgement, and larger than Yin average boobs. The worse culprit would be the clogged ducts, which feel like hard rocks in my boobs. It builds up, blocks, and causes extreme pain. The solution? Constantly pumping to unclog the duct and allow milk to pass through. It can take anywhere from one pump session and up to a whole day's worth of pumping to get rid of my clogged ducts. Also another physical aspect would be the cleaning and drying of pump parts, which is a pain in the butt in the middle of the night.

constantly cleaning bottles and pump parts

Mentally Draining: The day never has enough hours, and I spend most of those hours feeding, changing, and pumping. It would be much easier if I could combine the feeding and pumping. Oh yeah.. that's called actual breastfeeding, but that doesn't work in this family. If I pump every 3 hours (lower end estimate, typically I pump every 2), I am spending 2 hours and 40 minutes a day physically at the pump and cleaning parts. I feel I have a responsibility to my son to provide him with breast milk if I am capable. In this case I am capable of producing, and I should continue to do so until I am physically incapable of doing so. The down side? It is all taking a toll on my mental health.

Hygeia Enjoye -- Great pump, review to come soon

Breast is Best: Gahhh!! Why do medical professionals and mommy anti-formula clubs have to exist? The hospital puts so much gosh darn pressure on the mother to breastfeed. The mommy anti-formula clubs are so bias, and they hate all formula feeding mothers. The thing is breastfeeding isn't completely natural. It is a learning process for both mommy and baby. My baby decided that he didn't want to go to the breast. Also the sucking reflex didn't come naturally to him, and he had to practice to get to where he is now. I personally do not think that breast is the absolute best. It does have a slight edge over formula since it's the body's natural way of providing nutrients to the baby. Formula is good stuff too, and people need to stop thinking it's the devil's food. High fructose corn syrup, trans fats, preservatives, and complex sounding ingredients can be considered the devil's food. Formula is made to provide babies with the nutrients they need to grow into strong kids. Heck, both H and I were formula fed babies. We turned out just fine...

example of H being a happy formula fed kiddo

Family History: My mother was never able to breastfeed. She has inverted nipples. It's not impossible to breastfeed with inverted nipples (nipple shields, pumping for 15 seconds, etc.), but it just wasn't in the cards for my mother. Recently I learned that my mother was not an only child like I once believed. She was actually child number 4 (or was it 3... I have bad memory). My grandmother was not able to successfully breastfeed, but she didn't know it and her babies starved to death. With my mother, she decided to provide her with animal milk (I'm assuming goat's milk). My mother survived.

I'm Stingy/Stubborn: H and I have already invested a lot of money towards breastfeeding. I have purchased the following items: Boppy, Hygeia Enjoye Breast Pump, extra accessory kit for pump, nursing covers, lanolin, disposable nursing pads, reusable silicone nursing pad, breast milk storage bags, 2 nursing bras, and herbal supplement to increase milk production. That's over $400! Yikes! That's equivalent to 3 months worth of formula. The stingy side wants to keep pumping to pay for the items I have purchased towards breastfeeding. The even stingier side of me wants to pump forever to keep saving money.

Guilt: I feel an extreme amount of guilt for even thinking about stopping one day. I feel like I'm letting down every single mother out there who is incapable of breastfeeding. I can't exactly breastfeed, but I can pump. Not only can I pump, but I can pump enough to meet Baby E's current demand. So many women would love to be in my position so that they can provide their baby with even the smallest amount of breast milk. I would be selfish to even consider stopping.

How can I ever justify depriving my baby of the milk that I am capable of producing for him? Look at that face!

Formula of the Future: Breast milk digests a lot faster than formula, and I am feeding him every 2 hours. On formula he can go longer between feedings. Maybe he can even sleep through the night. I think about the future when he will eventually drink formula, and it sounds like such a great life for me. Then reality sets in, and I feel guilty for thinking about that future. I know it has to eventually happen. Can I really be a slave to my breast pump for a whole year? I don't think I'm mentally capable of doing that.

Baby E has been given more breast milk than both H and I combined. Is that enough? It is week #11, and my first goal was to reach 3 whole months. I can most definitely pump for another week without a problem, but can I do it for 4 months? 5 months? 6 months? I can't tell...

So that's the break down of how breast pumping has been going for me as of late. It is super complicated, and I am mentally and physically drained from this whole process. I'm trying to stay strong. I have made changes to make pumping easier on me, and it helps a whole lot. Now only if I can keep focused on pumping for another week, I'll be happy.

I miss...

2011-07-01T23:39:00.000-04:00

I miss blogging. I miss venting to my invisible audience. I miss having time to myself. Can I just pause time and get everything done without worrying about pumping, feeding, or diapering? I think I need to eventually take care of myself. I've been neglecting myself lately (not showering, not brushing my teeth, not making lunch for myself, not drinking enough water, not getting enough sleep... yeah).

In poo related news, my baby took a poo down my leg today. It dripped alllll the way down. The poo even landed on the carpet. Score! One point for Baby E. Zero points for me. Baby E also switched to cloth diapers this week. Does anyone know what that means? I get to touch his dirty diapers and spray them down, occasionally making physical contact with the actual poo. Oh the joys of parenthood!

Why My Kid is Awesome: Reason #123

2011-06-18T11:03:00.000-04:00

Isn't he adorable? He smiles in his sleep!

Fun Baby Info: Poo = Popcorn

2011-06-16T13:39:00.002-04:00

I'm kicking off with a new series of fun baby info, mainly to record my crazy encounters. The information given may only apply to my baby, but it is still entertaining. Enjoy! :)

Baby E is ready for his diaper change

Fun Baby Info #1:
Baby poo smells like popcorn!! I know this applies to breastfed babies, and I wonder if formula fed babies also have popcorn poo. No worries. The poo does not actually resemble popcorn, just the smell. I read it on a blog one day and didn't think my baby had popcorn smelling poo. Then a few days later, the smell hit me. Yup, that was popcorn all right. I mentioned it to H later that week, and he started to notice it too. Muahaha! I convinced my husband to start smelling our son's poo. Score!

Internet is Back!

2011-06-15T14:41:00.000-04:00

I went without Internet access from Saturday night through Tuesday morning. Oh no! Actually it wasn't that bad. I thought it would be much worse because I rely on the Internet to maintain my sanity. It's there with me during Baby E's night time feedings. It's my pumping companion, reducing the stress of constantly checking out how much milk I've pumped. During the few moments of quiet time, I turn to the Internet to wind down. So when the storm killed our modem, I was a bit sad. H could have made a trip to the nearest electronic store to purchase a new modem, but that's not how he swings. He likes to buy online, and that means I have to be patient.

Thank you Amazon Prime for saving the day! The modem came in on Tuesday, and I was quick to hook that baby up. I didn't even read the instructions and went straight to the source. Since the new modem is an updated version of the old, I just went ahead and plugged everything in using the old stuff. Hmm... it didn't power on. My super duper problem solving abilities determined that the charger was dead. Our old modem was perfectly fine. Woot! Now I can go ahead and save about $90 and return the new modem.

Yay for having Internet again! Is it odd how addicted to Internet our society has become in the last 10 years? I remember the days of AOL dial up, which I could only use during off hours when the restaurant was closed. I used to sneak in a few minutes at night when my parents weren't looking. I eventually advanced to DSL during my college years. Without the Internet, my relationship with H would be so different. Would he have tried to "poke" me in real life instead of on Facebook? Haha.

Then I think back on the social networking of yesteryear. Everyone was on AIM or MSN Messenger. I would have multiple chats up on the screen with the occasional chat room amongst friends. My main purpose for surfing the Internet was to be connected to AIM. As I got older, I distanced myself from instant messaging. I no longer connected with friends through chat online. Instead it has been replaced with Facebook and Twitter. It feels less personal, but at the same time I learn so much more through the news feed. No worries. I stay in contact with my friends in real life, and I don't depend on the Internet as my only source to contact them.

So this entry went from my lack of Internet for a few days to going back in the past. My thoughts are so scattered these days. My lack of sleep must be getting to me. Oye.

Yeah.. I'm back!

It's 3:00 AM...

2011-06-05T03:44:00.000-04:00

I'm awake again. It's 3:00 AM. I don't find time for myself during the day, and I have to sacrifice sleep in order to sneak in some "me" time. While it is pretty pathetic, I do need that time to myself. I need time to think freely. I need time to refuel. I need more time. I need time to blog. I need time to vent. It's my therapy, and I haven't had much of it lately. It's part of my ability to function normally. Without it, I feel lost. I feel like a part of me is missing. I have been blogging for 8 years. Blogging has become part of my life.

I know I need more time to myself. Taking care of an infant is no easy task. My kid likes to eat every 2 hours (that's the time between the start of one feeding and the beginning of the next). If he naps, it's only for a short period of time, and I spend most of it pumping and cleaning bottles. That means I have no time to myself. I don't even have the time to clean. When H comes home from work, I end up cleaning while he takes care of Baby E. I never have time to take a break.

So I suggested to H that I should have an hour to myself every other day. Honestly, I want an hour to myself everyday, but I felt selfish to even say that out loud. I would probably spend half of it showering and the other half in my craft room blogging. Well I suggested that over 2 weeks ago, and I still haven't had my scheduled hour to myself. Ha. I don't think it's ever going to happen.

So here I am at 3:00 AM blogging instead of sleeping. I know I will beat myself over this stupid decision later. Oh well. I have to feel alive, and I feel pretty alive when I'm blogging.

P.S. I'm sick for the first time in the past 2 years, and I really could use the sleep. Oh well.

6 Week Postpartum Checkup

2011-06-05T03:28:00.000-04:00

Entry written on Thursday, June 2nd...

It's 3:00 AM, and I'm in the nursery blogging. There is something very wrong with this picture. Shouldn't I be sleeping? When the baby sleeps, I should be sleeping too. Well it doesn't always work out that way. I heard him whimper at 2:00 AM and woke up to check up on him. He was squirming around and looked like he was ready to wake up. I got his bottle ready, took off his blanket, and even had time to go to the bathroom. Then I sat there and waited for him to wake up. No go. Okay I'll just wait longer. I'll even clean his bottles. He had to wake up anytime now, right? Maybe I can sneak in a pump session too. I go ahead and do that. The whole time I'm waiting to hear him cry. Nothing. Hmm... I guess I'll continue to wait...

Yesterday I had my 6 week postpartum check up. It was very weird going back to the doctor's office and not walk in the door pregnant for the first time. The office felt so familiar yet foreign. I followed the usual routine -- weigh in at the scale, pee in a cup, check my blood pressure, and wait for the doctor in the room. I felt a bit lonely. Oh yeah.. my little Ninja wasn't with me. :(

The last time I stepped on the scale, I weighed 121 lbs (overall pregnancy weight gain of 12 lbs). This time I stepped on the scale, and it read 108 lbs. I am back to my post-pregnancy weight minus a pound. Good. Don't let the number fool you though. My stomach still hasn't bounced back to its original shape, but I'm slowly getting there.

I was given a prescription for birth control. Umm... yeah this is the first for me. Call me crazy, but I'm not a fan of drug intervention (says the girl who had an epidural and a ton of insulin shots in labor). I plan to take it after I finish providing Baby E with breast milk since my milk supply isn't super high. Birth control can lower my supply even more. Boo.

Now I have to go in for my 2 hour glucose test to see if my diabetes has gone away. I sure hope so. If not, I'm okay with that too. I don't have much control over how my body processes sugars. :(

Postpartum depression. I don't think I have it. I had what they call the "baby blues" for the first two weeks, but that has since gone away. There are days when I feel completely defeated, but that's due to my status as a stay at home mother. I take care of him with the help of H, but I do it alone a majority of the week. You would break down every now and then too. I really thought I would get postpartum depression because of my history. I admit I used to be depressed when I was a teenager. I had issues. Please don't judge me.

That's my status.

Happy Anniversary Hubby!

2011-06-02T12:42:00.000-04:00

Today marks my very first wedding anniversary with the hubby! Cheers to one year and many more to come! Yay!

06.02.10

S-T-R-E-S-S-E-D

2011-05-28T16:39:00.000-04:00

Entry written on Wednesday, May 25th...

OMG -- Is today over yet? I have been super stressed and frustrated. Being a mother is so stinking hard, and there are times when I think I'm not cut out for it. *cue vent*

I am on night duty five nights a week while H gets his beauty rest for a full week of work. At first it wasn't too difficult. The baby would wake up every 3-4 hours for some food. I would change his diaper after his feeding, and off he went back to sleepy land. As he started drinking more of my milk, he would ask for food more often. This is how it usually works -- wake up, eat, burp, change diaper (about 45 - 60 minutes). Then I pump (15 minutes) and clean all parts and bottles (5 minutes). I reset his Sleep Sheep timer (set to 45 minutes) and go back to bed. Next thing you know I hear him crying again. His Sleep Sheep is still on, and the routine starts all over again. Wahhhh!!!!

He is a month old, and his sleep schedule is supposed to get better. He should be eating more at each feeding and less often. He should be able to sleep a 4 hour stretch at night. The key word is "should." Obviously he is a total rebel and wants to drive me insane at night. Grrrrr.

I had less than 3 hours of sleep between 12 AM and 9 AM. I would have had less than 2 hours if I didn't break down from pure exhaustion and ask H to take over one of his feedings. I cannot survive off of only 3 hours of sleep, and I get super cranky. I want him to give me an hour of uninterrupted sleep. Is that too much to ask for?

I figured out a trick on Monday. I can co-sleep with him. Yes, I know it's bad, but he fell asleep while I was pumping. I didn't want to ruin the perfect opportunity for me to catch some Zzz's. So I did it. I slept with him next to me, but I kept waking up to make sure he was okay. Later that day in the afternoon I decided to sleep with him again. I was super tired, and I needed a nap. It worked! I was able to take a power nap, and the little one enjoyed time in sleepy land. Success.

Well I tried it again this morning. Fail! He screamed bloody murder. I broke down and called H. I couldn't take it. I was so deprived of sleep, and the situation was stressing me out. I had reached my boiling point. There wasn't much that I could do. H tried to talk me through it as I cried. It took me almost 2 hours to calm the baby down and feed him multiple times. Finally I thought he was ready for bed. Nope. I put him next to me for the second time, and he didn't resist.

I break down at least once a week. I don't want to, but I can't help it. Caring for an infant isn't easy. Sleep deprivation isn't healthy. I have to keep in mind that eventually it will get better. One day I will be able to sleep through the night. One day he will change his eating habits. It will get better. One day...

When he does sleep, he is soooo adorable and peaceful.

Happy Birthday!!

2011-05-24T14:28:00.000-04:00

Happy 16th birthday to my little sister! Too bad she's not little anymore...

Italian Festival, 1997 -- Age 2

1999 -- Age 4

Iron Hill Brewery, 2003 -- Age 8

Staying Home with Baby

2011-05-23T13:21:00.000-04:00

Entry written on Friday, April 29th...

Being a stay at home mother is no easy job, and this past week has been challenging for me. H went back to work last Monday, and I was left by myself to take care of a newborn. Dun, dun, dun!

I wish I could say I spent the first week on bed rest trying to recover from labor, but I'm stubborn. Instead I used all my strength to get myself back in shape by resuming my life as if nothing had happened. Sure, I was in pain getting in and out of bed. Going up and down the stairs was no easy task, but that's what the two railings are for... duh! Basically, I didn't care what anyone had to say. I wanted... no, I needed to get better.

H and I decided that we wouldn't need any help. Crazy, right? We spent the first week with a newborn by ourselves, and it was a learning process for us. Looking back on it, I'm glad that we did it on our own. There was no one to tell us that we were doing it the wrong way. There was no one around to judge us. I was already tired of hearing everyone's advice and words of wisdom, and I just wanted us to learn how to care for a newborn on our own. We did just that, and we worked together as a team. It was a tiresome and a super long week, but we survived and did a pretty good job too.

Then he went back to work, and I was left with the baby all to myself. I didn't feel like I was prepared. Even though I was getting back in shape, I didn't have the full strength to take care of the baby the first week. I had just changed his diaper for the first time only a few days before. I was a nervous wreck, but I had to face the challenge. On Sunday night I let H sleep through the night for the first time since I went into labor. I took night duty, and boy was it tough. The little guy did not want to fall back asleep, and I felt defeated. The sleep deprivation on my end only made it worse. Oye.

Luckily, the story gets better. Each day I built up the experience and confidence I needed to care for my baby. Yes, it was extremely difficult in the beginning. I broke down at times and was on the verge of calling for help. I'm just fortunate that Baby Ninja is a good baby. He is predictable and very well behaved. His needs are very basic -- food, diaper changes, and sleep. Ninja's schedule has already been flipped around, and he can sleep through the night (waking up for his food and then going right back to sleep). This made it a lot easier on me. Before I knew it, the week was over, and the weekend was finally here. I made it. Phew.

One week down...

Near Mental Breakdown

2011-05-23T13:14:00.000-04:00

Entry started on Saturday, May 14th...

This must be the 10th post that I've started to write but don't have the time to ever complete. I'm at the point of near mental breakdown, and I absolutely need to vent. This is my warning. Please do not read past this sentence if you don't want to read about a sad Yin.

Being a mother to a newborn is hard work. I am so exhausted, and I feel like such a failure. There are never enough hours in a day, and I can never get enough sleep (does 2 hours in a row count?). A week after giving birth I was taking care of the baby all by myself during the day. No help whatsoever. I try to stay strong, but all I want to do is give up.

This week has been especially tough. Ninja has reached a growth spurt, which means that he is an eating machine. It's a constant cycle of feeding him, changing his diaper, putting him to sleep, and pumping breast milk. Before I know it, he is awake again and asking for more food. I don't even have the time to eat anymore. When will his eating be back to normal? I'm waiting.

Then there's the failure known as breastfeeding. Actually I wouldn't know what that is because I have never successfully done it. I'm an avid "pumper" because my son does not like my boobs. Argh. I am so much of a failure that it took me almost a week to pump out colostrum. That stuff is supposed to already be there and ready for the baby when he comes out. I am also an even bigger failure for not having enough time in the day to pump. I have to go longer periods of time between pumps, and I can't increase my supply to meet the baby's demand. How can I? He wants food every 1.5 to 2 hours, and I have to spend it feeding him with a bottle. I can't pump the same time he wants food, which means that my body can never catch up. I don't have the luxury of having someone take care of him while I concentrate solely on pumping enough milk for him. This is all very depressing, and I have cried so many times over my failure.

I haven't left the house since last Sunday. That was Mother's day, and my MIL made me feel like complete crap. She pointed out all of my failures, and I wanted to scream so badly. She touched my stomach and noted how it hasn't gone away yet. Later my SIL noted that my stomach is barely there anymore, and my MIL had to chime in and correct her. Then she was disappointed in my lack of milk production. I was using a hand pump for the first time by the way. It just wasn't fair.

I need time to myself. I need time to wind down. I need time to take a break. I don't have enough time to take care of myself. Sigh.

Spit Up of Thoughts

2011-05-18T11:33:00.000-04:00

I started this entry on May 11th...

Today Baby Ninja is 23 days old , and I have been a stay at home mother for the past 2 weeks. It's not easy being on baby duty all day long with a slight break in the evening when H comes home. I'm currently "wearing" the baby as I blog. This is my first break of the day, and it feels great to have some down time. Honestly I have been itching to blog again. Since it's too difficult to write multiple entries, I'll just spit up some of my thoughts... (in no particular order)

Pooch
I read that women leave the hospital looking 6 months pregnant after delivery. It is 100% true! I was well aware of this and fully prepared for my body to take its time to shrink back. Heck, it will be months (maybe even a full year) before I can resemble my former self. I still have a tummy, and I call it my "pooch." Well everyone else hates my pooch and cannot stop staring/touching it. Yes, they freaking touch my stomach!! It's fine when there is a baby Ninja inside, but it is just plain wrong right now. Everyone keeps talking about it, and it most certainly is not helping with my influx of hormones. I have had problems with my body image since forever (overly critical mother will have that effect), and I feared what my body would look after pregnancy. Well I was happy with my progress and weight loss (almost back to pre-pgrenancy weight), but that quickly came to an end. Sigh. People (aka family members), please stop bringing so much attention to my pooch. It has gotten a lot smaller. Please get off my case and stop touching my pooch. Grrr.

Food
I had some complications with my glucose levels during labor, and I was injected with insulin multiple times. I was even hooked up to an IV drip. No worries. Ninja was fine, and his glucose levels were perfect. Mine, on the other hand, were on the higher end. Oh well. The doctors didn't stop me from eating carbs, and I am enjoying food again. Yay! Too bad the battle isn't completely over. I still have to go in for a 2 hour glucose test in June to check on the status of my gestational diabetes. I can't imagine actually being diabetic. For now I'll forget about it and just enjoy eating like a normal person. I also realized how much of a picky eater I used to be with Ninja inside, and I am 10x better now. Phew. Oh and I have no desire to cook, but I am always hungry for food. Ha.

Sleep
I don't get enough of it. Enough said.

Parents
They have been pretty hands off, and I find that very odd. I think I'm over analyzing it. I guess it is a good thing after all. I know they would drive me nuts if they came to help me take care of the baby. Heck, my parents drive me nuts when they drop by to visit for 10 minutes. They keep reminding me that I should let the baby cry it out and to never pick him up. Uhh... sure. Then they like to tell me how well behaved he is. Yes, I do pick him up when he cries. I also feed him and change his diaper. So yeah... lack of involvement from our parents. It's good for our sanity, but I still find it very odd.

Hubby
Is it weird that I'm more attracted to my husband because he is now a father? There is something about seeing him care for our child that is so amazing. The first week of Ninja's life was so difficult, and H was simply the perfect husband. He took care of all the diaper changes and most of the feedings while I took time to recover and gain back my strength. *swoon*

Breastfeeding
... or how about the lack of it. Ninja doesn't like my boobs, and the breast pump is my best friend (short version of the story). I am constantly at battle with my milk production, and my mental health takes a toll. There are days when I feel like a complete failure of a mother, and then there are other days when I feel like giving up. I take it on a day by day basis, but I have a feeling that I will try to stick with it for as long as possible. I have to remember that Ninja's health is my priority. If breast milk is "liquid gold," then I will make sure he has it. He deserves the best.

So there you have it folks. This is the short version of my thoughts. Now I have to go tend to my baby...

Weekly Photo Project

2011-05-16T17:06:00.000-04:00

*catches breath*

Miss me? I miss me too. What does that mean? I miss having time to think and be myself. The house is finally quiet but not for long. Maybe I'll have enough time for a quick update? Go!

This is my weekly photo project, and hopefully I can take a photo every single week until he turns 1. I'm 1/12 of the way there with only 50 weeks remaining. Haha. By the way, I'm too cheap to purchase stickers or onesies that document his age. Technology is my friend, and all editing has been done in Adobe Lightroom and Irfanview. If you have Microsoft Paint on your computer, you can do it too!

So that's all the time I have folks. Until next time...

Baby Ninja Arrives!

2011-04-27T13:46:00.000-04:00

Baby Ninja (aka Baby E)

04.18.2011

5lbs 13oz

Ninja is here!! I gave birth to a healthy baby boy last Monday, and I can't believe he is already a week old. I have plenty of details to reveal and a birth story to share. It will take me a few more weeks to get adjusted to life with a newborn, and blogging will slowly resume.

Thank you to everyone who has been so supportive throughout my pregnancy. You guys rock!

Baby Ninja

False Labor & How I Lost 5 lbs

2011-04-14T08:41:00.001-04:00

The past 24 hours have been rough on my body, and I'm in the process of recovering. On Wednesday morning at 4am, I woke up to some nasty tummy pains. I felt nauseated, but I wanted to try to keep it in. I'm stubborn. Well that didn't last long because I made about 5 trips to the bathroom between 4am - 6am. It was no fun. It was 10x worse than the morning sickness phase of my 2nd trimester. Every time I tried to drink some water, it would just come out with my stomach acid. Not fun at all.

Hubby was great, and he stayed up with me the whole time. We looked up my symptoms, packed our go bag, and timed my contractions. I still haven't gotten the hang of this whole contraction thing, and I usually can't tell when I'm experiencing them. On the other hand, H can feel my stomach get tense and slowly release. What would I do without him? No worries. The contractions were very irregular and didn't cause for much concern. If the Internet did not exist, we probably would have went to the hospital to make sure everything was okay. In that case, I would have been sent home for being in false labor.

After two hours of suffering, my body was ready to recover and get some rest. H considered staying home to take care of me, but I assured him that I would be fine as long as I could physically lay down and sleep. Well by the time I woke up, I was exhausted. I had an appointment with my doctor, and there was no way I could gain enough energy in a few hours to drive to the office. Of course H came to the rescue and left work early to bring me to the doctor's office. I would have preferred to reschedule for the next day, but he wanted me to see the doctor right away.

I wish I could say that my bathroom visits stopped, but I had to make a mad dash for it after eating breakfast. I drank a small glass of milk (stupid Yin) to recover from my low fasting glucose score, and that made my empty stomach not so happy. I also tried to drink chicken broth. Yup that didn't stay inside either. At this point, I was mentally and physically drained. I just wanted some carbs. H let me eat a waffle. :)

The doctor's visit went well, and she was not concerned about my not so great morning. It is common for women in the later stage of their pregnancy to revisit morning sickness of the 1st/2nd trimester. There is less space inside, and my stomach is getting super crowded. It could also be something I ate the previous night that induced the not so great experience.

Oh and I weighed in at 121 lbs yesterday. Ladies and gentlemen, that brings my total weight gain to a whopping 12 lbs. What the fudge? I lost 5 lbs in a week, and I'm sure those 6 trips to the bathroom had a big role in my extreme weight loss. The low number upsets me. My doctor says that I'll be fine, and it's common for people with my diabetic diet. Yes, I know. I just want to mentally think I'm normal. I have a feeling 12 lbs isn't exactly normal for a person of my size.

My goal for today is to nurse myself back to good health. I'm still having a difficult time keeping food and water down. Small portions make me really full, and I need to eat tiny meals throughout the day. I feel so dehydrated, but my body won't accept too much liquid at a time. Sigh.

There you have it folks. That's how I had false labor and lost a whopping 5 lbs. Don't try this at home kids.

Inspiration - Book Themed Baby Shower

2011-04-13T13:15:00.001-04:00

It's hard not to love Rifle Paper Co. I am addicted to Anna Bond's artistic work, and I swoon over every new collection and line of products. The hubby was even so kind to gift me the amazing Heirloom Recipe Card Box for my wedding present last year. I have since bought a few items here and there to admire her work up close in personal (in the comforts of my own home).

So of course I was thrilled to see her contribution over at marthastewart.com. Mix my love of everything from Anna Bond and my obsession with baby stuff, and you get the following:

A Book Themed Baby Shower Designed by Anna Bond of Rifle Paper Co.

Featured on marthastewart.com

Go on over to marthastewart.com for the free download of the invitation, bookmark clip art, and bookplate clip art. I only wish the colors were more gender neutral for the little Ninja.

The Infamous "Go Bag"

2011-04-12T11:06:00.000-04:00

I remember watching Father of the Bride, Part II when I was a kid. There's the scene where Annie thinks she is ready to go to the hospital, and her dad freaks out. The first thing she grabs is her go bag for the hospital while her dad is trying to determine the fastest route to the hospital at that hour.

Father of the Bride, Part II

Source: IMDB.com

Then there's the scene from I Love Lucy. Ricky, Fred, and Ethel rehearse their roles in preparation for Lucy going into labor. They are super calm, and the practice runs are perfect. By the time Lucy comes out and tells them that she's ready, everyone is frantically trying to remember their roles. The go bag is a mess, and someone accidentally puts the phone in there while packing it up for the hospital.

I Love Lucy - "Lucy Goes to the Hospital"

Souce: lucyfan.com

I'm considered full term at 37 weeks, and I don't have my go bag ready. Am I insane? Maybe. I have very little motivation to pack up stuff for the hospital. I'm not exactly sure why because it would probably take me all of 15 minutes to get it in a pile. Maybe I'm procrastinating because I know I'm not ready to go into labor any time soon.

Then you have the hubby. H is so concerned about not having the proper bag, and he is focusing his energy on purchasing one. I'm just fine with using my ladybug suitcase. :)

Samsonite Sammies Collection - Ladybug

Source: theluggageprofessionals.com.au

So what happens if I don't have my go bag ready, and the Ninja is ready to come out? I just head straight to the hospital. What do I need from that bag that can really prepare me for labor? Sure, there are comfort items that I can bring like my pillow and a pair of socks to keep me warm. Maybe a pair of slippers would help too. I don't consider these things to be essentials.

I would like to have a change of clothing for myself and the baby, but it's not urgent to have that right away. I need to give birth to the kid first and stay in the hospital for a day or two. I already know exactly which outfit I would like him to come home in, and I'm debating on what to bring for myself. Will I look 6 months pregnant after I give birth? I'll probably stick with my maternity clothes.

Probably the biggest concern for me would be having food for the hubby packed up and ready. I'll be screaming in pain and asking for ice chips for hours. He'll have to deal with pregnant, going into labor Yin. He needs food for energy to keep up with the craziness that I'm sure will be going on in the hospital room. I made sure to buy extra yummy snacks from Trader Joe's this weekend for the go bag. If it doesn't get packed, then I'm sure one of our awesome friends would make a food run for my hubby. He might actually prefer fast food to all natural/organic snacks.

Having said all of that, I really should pack the go bag. I have no motivation, but I should do it just to do it. Maybe writing this entry is the push I need because now the Internet is going to hold me accountable. While I'm at it, I should really read more baby books too. Yeah that probably won't happen. One thing at a time.

My Splurge - DwellStudio Comforter

2011-04-11T12:53:00.001-04:00

Since H and I moved into our house, we haven't been doing much in the design department. With so much going on in our lives (*cough* wedding *cough*), we stuck to buying the basics for our home. Ikea, Target, and Costco were our best buddies, and we didn't want to invest too much money into these starter pieces. We also had a lot of hand me down good, and some of them are super awesome. Then there are the others that probably should be replaced (ex. living room couch).

To play it safe, I went with a lot of neutral colors for almost every room in the house. Because we didn't have the money to design each room just yet, I felt better knowing that the neutral pieces could better tie into whatever we decided to go with in the future. One of those items was our comforter set.

Damask Stripe Wheat Mini Comforter Set by Wamsutta

From Bed Bath and Beyond

It was actually really difficult to find a comforter that is so neutral. The stripes added some character to our bedding without being overwhelming. No interesting pop of color. No pretty design. We just went with plain and simple. At the time I thought that it would be easy to paint the walls whatever color I wanted, and the bedding would always match. While that is true, it's certainly no fun.

Last night while shopping at Target, I stumbled upon a pretty great sale on DwellStudio comforters. I can't exactly afford the real legit DwellStudio, but Target makes it more attainable and within reach. We even purchased Ninja's bedding from Target's DwellStudio line, and it's mighty spiffy and affordable. At 20% off the regular price, the pretty bedding was super tempting.

DwellStudio for Target - Flora Comforter Set

Isn't it pretty? I love the floral design and shades of blue, brown, and gray. Even the brightness of the white is lovely and such a nice change from the wheat color of our current comforter. H convinced me to go ahead and buy it for our room. I convinced myself that I can always return it if I don't like it or if I get too stingy when I get home. We also used our Target Red Card to save an extra 5% on the bedding. Woot!

DwellStudio for Target - Flora Comforter Set

Once we brought it home and spread it on top of our bed, I was a happy camper. All these design concepts popped in my head, and I was so eager to start redesigning our bedroom. Even the light blue and white design under the comforter is super pretty. I love the shade of robin's egg blue! The colors of these photos are kind of on the crappy side. The lavender/tan looking flower is actually gray.

DwellStudio for Target - Flora Comforter Set

The stingy side still took over, and I made H put the comforter back in the bag. I told him I needed more time to think about it. Well I slept on it, and I'm about 90% sure that it's here to stay. Actually I might just wash it now and start using it this week. Muahaha!

What do you guys think about painting the room a light shade of gray? It's all the rage these days on design blogs, but I didn't think I would be one to like it for my own house. Originally I was going to match the blue in the comforter, but it might just be too much blue in the room. Gray would match our current furniture nicely and add a more modern flair. It's definitely growing on me. At the rate I'm going, I'll be at Lowe's tomorrow looking at paint chips for the room. Hehe.

My Splurge - Little TOMS

2011-04-10T10:58:00.001-04:00

I made my way through the crowded opening of Nordstrom this weekend in search of TOMS. I was originally going to order them online, but I wanted to make sure to get the right size. The only way to be sure is to try them on in person. With the glitter ones out of sight, I went with the classic TOMS in grey. I later realized that I wear my grey J.Crew ballet flats all the time. It shouldn't be difficult for me to incorporate another pair of grey shoes. Hehe.

I skipped the women's section of Nordstrom and went straight to the baby stuff. I am a sucker for all things baby these days. I want the very best for the little guy. He is way too spoiled. As I passed the shoe section, I wondered if they made little TOMS, and there they were...

TOMS Classic Tiny Canvas Slip On

$28.95 at Nordstrom.com

How awesome would it be for him to have matching shoes with mommy? Yes, I must be going crazy. I blame it on the pregnancy hormones. :) No worries. I won't buy him any shoes until he can walk, which should be over a year from now. I must remember that the kid is still in the womb. Silly me.

Diabetes Woes -- Not Totally Defeated

2011-04-08T11:36:00.001-04:00

I went for my weekly visit to check out the little Ninja on the ultrasound. Everything looked great, and I even got to see a non-creepy picture of his profile this time around. My doctor said that my glucose scores have been good for the past 3 weeks, and I would not need to return for my visit next week. Woot! I'll be back in two weeks to get a full ultrasound, and at that point I'll see how much Ninja weighs. Last weigh in was at 4lbs 12oz, which was about 2 weeks ago. All the baby weekly updates say that he should be around 6lbs right now. Woah, baby!

Baby Ninja, 36 Weeks

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Honestly, I was ready for her to tell me it's time to take the medication again. I have noticed that it is getting more difficult to control my scores. I can eat a very healthy, high protein dinner, and my scores aren't as low as a few weeks ago. My fasting scores are all over the place, and it's hard to predict. I occasionally wait longer, thinking that my score might be a tad lower. Nope. The amount of carbs I eat for my after dinner snack don't affect it either. At first I it did, but now it doesn't. I would take it easy and try to eat dessert earlier in the day if I really wanted something sweet. It had no effect on my fasting score. I only had 2 slightly higher readings this past week, but I saw a pattern of my inability to have full control.

Because I saw a pattern, I accepted that medication could be an option for me. Luckily the doctor said that diet has been working. I'll just continue eating the same way, and I should be fine. No worries. I am still in control and my scores are still within range. So I'll be okay for the remainder of my pregnancy.

After being on my diet for the past 2 months, I have lost 2lbs. I can't seem to gain it back, and my total weight gain for my pregnancy is only 17lbs. I have a feeling I might not reach 20lbs. Keep in mind that women of my size should gain 25-35lbs. It probably wouldn't hurt me to gain around 30lbs. No worries from my doctor though. It's normal to lose or gain very little weight after changing to a diabetic diet. There is no harm to the Ninja. If anything, it's better for me because I have less weight to lose after the pregnancy. Oh and I'm still within the healthy BMI for someone of my height and current weight. Oye.

I only have a couple of weeks left, and Ninja will make his arrival. Well I can't predict when he'll be making his appearance, but I do know that this diet will be over soon. Diabetes will no longer take over my life, and I can worry about more important things -- like being a mother and taking care of an infant.

Ninja Plotting Revenge?

2011-04-05T14:12:00.000-04:00

Sometimes crazy thoughts enter my head, and earlier this morning I was wondering if Ninja is plotting revenge against me inside the womb. The little one loves to move around, and occasionally all that movement starts to hurt. There's not much room inside for the big one, and those jabs can be painful.

What did I ever do to the Ninja for him to plot revenge against his own mother? Oh yeah.. I kind of exposed him to radiation. D'oh!

P.S. I'm 36 weeks into my pregnancy, and in a few days the baby will be considered full term. Eeeks! Did I tell you that I'm not ready yet? I have experienced a few early labor symptoms, but luckily they go away soon enough not to cause for any concern. I don't think I will ever be ready for labor or the early months of motherhood. Oye...

My Splurge - TOMS

2011-04-04T16:25:00.002-04:00

I've been thinking about getting a pair of Toms for a while now. I usually just keep it to myself until I'm totally convinced that I need them. I see them in person and worn by my favorite bloggers. It is really growing on me, and I am in need of a pair of go to slip on sneaks. I'm going to be a mom after all, and I'll take any convenience that I can get. It also doesn't hurt that I can still maintain some sense of style while being on the go. The company also donates a pair of shoes for every pair sold to children in need. It's definitely a marketing feel good sort of thing, but I'll go with the flow of it. I'll even feel good about myself and won't worry about the price tag as much, knowing that someone else can benefit from a pair of shoes too. Plus I haven't bought a pair of shoes in almost a year. It's about time! Can you tell I'm trying to talk myself into this purchase?

Now I didn't know how difficult it would be to find a pair of Toms. I went to my usual shoe sites -- Zappos, Endless, and Piperlime. No luck! Only the higher end designer department stores carry Toms. What?!? I don't consider Toms to be high end. Oh well. Nordstrom to the rescue! Not only are the shoes a few dollars cheaper through Nordstrom, but there is free shipping on all shoes now through April 15th. I think they should offer free shipping on all shoes to keep competitive with the famous online shoe sites, but then I think every single retailer should offer free shipping for me. I'm cheap. Extra bonus -- the new Nordstrom at the mall is opening later this week! That means easy return or exchange for me. Woot!

Hmm.. now what pair should I order?

TOMS Classic Canvas Slip-On in Light Beige

$43.95 at Nordstrom.com

TOMS Classic Canvas Slip-On in Grey

$43.95 at Nordstrom.com

TOMS Classic Glitter Slip-On in Nude

$53.95 at Nordstrom.com

Should I go with a normal color like light beige or grey? Light beige might stain easily. Grey should still match a lot of my outfits. Hmm... should I add a little sparkle in my life with some glitter in nude? Is it really worth it to pay $10 more for sparkle? If it makes me happy, then sure! Haha. Just kidding. I'm cheap but still torn. Feel free to help me choose! Thanks!

Pregnant & Sick

2011-04-04T13:26:00.000-04:00

This weekend was not fun for the Ninja and me. I used to be a warmer than average human being because I have a bun in the oven. Lately that has not been the case for me, and I have been super cold. At first I thought that I just lost that hot flash symptom of the 2nd trimester. Then it got worse, and I was shivering when people were wearing shorts with a tshirt yesterday. I was wearing my winter coat and hat. Oye.

Also I've been slacking in the walking department. I get tired so easily, and it's really unlike me. I do understand that my pregnancy has a ton of stages, and I'm just reaching the one where my body just wants to rest. Usually my body takes a drastic change (usually my tummy grows super big), and I have a few days to adjust before I'm normal again. I was expecting the same to happen this time. Not so much.

Yesterday after enjoying the nice weather outside (in my winter coat), I came home freezing and tired. I went under the blanket and took a nap. During my nap, I would still shiver, and that's not a good sign. I started to get a fever, and my body was in super swelling mode (normal for 3rd trimester). I had no appetite and only wanted to drink a hot cup of tea to warm up my body. Well there is no doubt that my body got warm because I started to get super hot and sweaty by the time I was ready to fall asleep again. For a good hour I was in bed extremely uncomfortable and sweating my fever away. My usual thirsty self wasn't in the mood for water, but I still woke up every hour to make my bathroom visits as usual.

Luckily the sweating helped. I woke up this morning feeling ten times better, and I'm glad that my body was able to recover. I would have called the doctor this morning if I still felt as miserable. I am super fortunate that this was my first run in with a fever or any illness during the pregnancy, and my body fixed itself. Today my goal is to take it easy, but I'm finding that extremely difficult. I can't help but to reorganize the kitchen and put stuff away. I am trying my very best to control myself and just relax.

H was a super trooper and tended to all my needs. He was ready to bring me to the hospital and even scared that I might be going into early labor (I also experienced some early labor warning signs). I would have been a mess if he wasn't there to take care of me. Thanks, hubby!

Thanks little Ninja for staying safe inside. Stay in there a little longer, okay? Thanks!

Being a Housewife/Stay at Home Mom: Part II

2011-04-02T11:25:00.002-04:00

Let's revisit the topic of being a housewife/stay at home mom. I mentioned last time that I didn't have much adult approval on my decision to stay at home, but I didn't get into specifics. Here it goes... I feel most of the negativity from H's family. There I said it.

A few weeks ago (or was a month or two), my MIL asked me about my plans to go back to work after the baby is born. She offered to take care of the baby for the first three months while I go back to work. I did my usual head nod and didn't say much. H didn't recall the conversation, which probably meant that it was a one on one conversation between my MIL and me. I was truly befuddled. I have been at home for the last 7 months, and she expects me to go back to work as soon as the baby is born. Now that doesn't make much sense.

She brought up the topic once again. This time it was in Vietnamese, and the conversation was directed at H. He told her that I plan on staying with the little Ninja at home, and it is uncertain when I would be returning back to join the working society. It was a fairly simple conversation. Now I wonder why it is such a concern in the first place.

From the beginning of my pregnancy, my parents have been a supporter of me staying at home. They encouraged me to leave my job and stay home during the pregnancy and beyond. It's quite amazing actually. I don't expect that kind of advice coming from my parents. My dad says that with the first child, it is especially important to be at home. Okay, I'll take it!

I don't feel the same kind of support from my in-laws. Maybe they're concerned about us financially. How could we possibly take care of a baby and stay afloat with one income? If that is their concern, then I would love for them to bring it up instead of me having to assume. Instead I see disapproval of our decision. Boo.

Then I spoke with the amazing Linda, my former boss at UD. I met up with her for lunch a few weeks ago, and she is really glad that I'll be staying home with the little Ninja. She was a stay at home mother herself and didn't go back in the workforce until her children were in high school and college. Linda told me that there is this prized moment when your kid comes home from school, and all he/she wants to do is to tell you about his/her day. That melted my heart.

H talked with someone at work and mentioned that we have a baby on the way. The man had no idea what our plans were for childcare, but he made sure to tell H that he was so glad that his wife stayed at home with the kids. I think that sealed the deal for H, and he is so glad that I can be home with our baby. He wouldn't want to have it any other way.

I have nothing against those who bring their children to daycare, and someday my child may be in a daycare facility. H and I don't know how long I will stay at home. We don't know when I would go back to work or what career path I would take. I only know that I want to stay home with Ninja for at least a year. If finances get tight, then I have no choice but to go back in the workforce. Oddly enough, I think most of my income would go directly to childcare with very little extra money to help with the family income. So going back to work isn't a priority now. Things will change as time comes.

While I may not have as much support for being a stay at home mother, all I need are a few supporters. My husband, parents, and Linda (she's like a second mother to me) support me. That's all I need.

Back to the Motherland: Beijing, Part I

2011-04-01T11:46:00.001-04:00

I spent a total of 3 weeks in China and 2 weeks in Hong Kong. Enping is pretty limited and laid back. My parents wanted me to explore a little more of China and booked a trip to the country's capital, Beijing. I'll admit that I went through a melt down period as soon as I arrived in China. It is drastically different from Hong Kong, and it felt nothing like the comforts of home in Delaware. I seriously cried outside of the travel agency because I was experiencing a bad case of being totally home sick. My dad comforted me and convinced me that it would just take me more time to adjust. In the end it worked out, and off I went to Beijing with my dad. My mother stayed back, which was probably best for my sanity.

The trip was super cheap -- $300 round trip, including admission to attractions, hotel, and food. Of course I didn't exactly feel safe flying on a Chinese airline, and traveling to the airport was crazy dangerous. Have you ever seen the highway system in China? It is insane! No one follows any sort of traffic rules, and everyone drives with their high beams on because there are no lamp posts along the highway. The hotel was not very pleasant either, and I should have been worried about bed bugs. The location was super far from everything, and it wasn't exactly in the safest part of town.

Hello, tour guide who only spoke in Mandarin and was truly hated by everyone in our group. Poor guy.

The ever so crowded Tiananmen Square in the morning. Everyone posed to take pictures.

First up, we went to Tiananmen Square early in the morning. It is a HUGE tourist attraction and extremely crowded. Actually, everywhere we went was super crowded. We traveled with our tour group, and I was not a fan of our leader. The entire tour was in Mandarin, and I understood nothing. No worries. My dad didn't understand anything either (oddly enough he is fluent in Canto, Portuguese, and English). Of course everyone else in this country knows Mandarin. We were just the unfortunate ones. I find it funny that my dad used English to communicate when he needed to. Haha. We were in the same boat. If we had paid more money and traveled from Hong Kong, then we would have had the advantages of a Cantonese speaking tour guide. I also saw that their food and lodging was much nicer. Next time I will know to book and travel from Hong Kong.

My dad and I often found ourselves extremely bored when we weren't getting lost in the huge crowds. So we would take pictures for fun and ignore everything around us. I'm super dorky, and my dad was along for the ride. Btw, he was 78 at the time. Yeah my dad is pretty awesome for dealing with his daughter who will never grow up. He also took me to Disneyland. Haha. Too cool!

Sometimes I felt like I was trapped in a sea of Chinese people. With increase wealth, tourism has been booming among Chinese people. The travel accommodations are super cheap, and people like to spend a lot of money on souvenirs. Chinese people are making money and putting it back in the economy by traveling. Plus it's a super bonus to be able to travel to all of these areas that were not within reach decades ago.

Walking, getting lost, and being surrounded by people made us super tired.

Wish I could tell you where I was, but I can't. :(

This is a very touristy market, which sold funky street food. Roaches, candied who knows what, and little tiny seahorses. I was not a fan.

We often were left to wander on our own for an hour or two before meeting back with the group. It was relaxing to sight see at our own pace. The city of Beijing is definitely booming and almost resembles the big cities in the United States. I definitely prefer the buzzing city atmosphere of Hong Kong, and Beijing didn't impress me as much as I thought it would.

We were left to fend for ourself for a few of the meals during the week, and this gave us the opportunity to eat food that wasn't bland or gross. Yay!

That night we were left to explore the area where our hotel was situated. We made friends with a few fellow travelers and walked around the street trying to find a decent place to eat. We found a hotel that served decent food, and our tummies were happy. I had my very first authentic Peking duck, and it was pretty yummy. The walk back to our hotel was not so great, but we made it back safely.

One day down, a few more to go!

Previously:
Back to the Motherland: Leaving on a Jet Plane
Back to the Motherland: Arriving in Hong Kong
Back to the Motherland: Adventures in Hong Kong
Back to the Motherland: Going Back to My Roots, Part I
Back to the Motherland: Going Back to My Roots, Part II
Back to the Motherland: Exploring Enping

Hair Transformation

2011-03-31T13:47:00.001-04:00

I finally got fed up with my super long hair, and I scheduled an appointment for a haircut. It's a shame, but the last time I cut my hair was almost a year ago for the wedding. Taking prenatal vitamins only makes my hair grow longer and stronger. Oye. It's not a good combination, especially when it gets in the way while sleeping in my boat every night. Good thing I am very open to drastic haircuts.

So there is this stylist that every single one of my sisters go to, and it's pretty sad how much we love her. It started out years ago, over a decade. Sometimes one of us would go elsewhere because she is rather pricey, and we're not all made out of money. Well we always come running back because there is no other person who can even compare. I have been the only one who is too cheap to go to her regularly. No worries. I have returned! By the way, I said the same thing last year too, and I returned a year later. Haha.

Ready for the reveal?

I am loving the shorter hair!! I feel like a new woman. Would that be the new look for a new mom? Haha. At least I look a tad older, right?

Oh do you want to see the disastrous before photo? Yeah I am ashamed it took me this long to cut it.

Eating at Home - Update!

2011-03-31T13:18:00.001-04:00

Since some of you guys gave some wonderful suggestions on how to eat at home, I wanted to report back that we have been doing pretty well in this household. It did take us a while to get there, but we started to plan our weekly meals again. I no longer wait for H to come home and try to put together some crazy meal. Instead we plan over the weekend and buy groceries accordingly.

Because I'm super awesome, I even made a freezer inventory list that I go to pretty often. Sometimes you just forget what is in there, and it pains me to forget about all that yummy food. This week we made a good effort to plan our meals around freezer items. We also try not to buy any additional freezer items to free up some space. I figured we would need that space once the baby arrives. No, we're not going to put the baby in the freezer! We'll be cooking and freezing meals for our own convenience. There will be no time to cook with a baby around.

created by yours truly in Excel

H had a great idea to put a chalkboard up in our kitchen so that we can write down our meals for the week. The hardest part was finding a chalkboard! You can find dry erase board and cork boards, but no one carries chalkboards anymore. We did have the option of painting our walls with chalkboard paint, but that just sounds like too much work. Luckily, we did find one on our crazy trip to a new Ikea two weeks ago. Now it has a home in our kitchen, and H loves looking at the board. I'll have to jazz it up with some washi tape (Japanese masking tape made of rice paper) and some colorful chalk. :)

It is perfect for our menu, a picture of a ninja turtle, mail, and keys.

We also have a lot of motivation to keep up with our meals. My sister is staying with us for the duration of my parent's annual trip back to China and Hong Kong (about 1.5 months). It's really difficult to make another person have to suffer due to our inability to cook at home. Plus we have to keep her healthy too. I can't just feed her junk food at every meal. That would make me a horrible sister. My diet also plays a factor, and I have to have food on hand with little to no carbs.

So far, so good! I think we can continue this until Ninja's arrival. Once he comes, there is no guarantee this system will work for us anymore. We might just be too consumed with the little guy. I'm happy that we were at least able to get to this point and save money by eating at home. No worries. We still go out plenty. This is our last chance to go on dates without having to hire a babysitter after all. Hehe.

Defeated -- Take That!

2011-03-29T11:29:00.002-04:00

My last diabetes related entry was not a very happy one. Well DCMFM called my doctor's office to tell them that I refused to take the medication that was recommended to me. While that is correct, I wanted to give it a few more days before accepting medication. It is my last resort after all. It feels like I'm being treated like a kid without a mind of my own, and that sucks. Oye.

How have I been doing so far? Pretty great actually. My scores have been between 59 and 100 with only one "bad" score of 90 after a fasting. Keep in mind that I need to stay 90 and below after fasting and 130 and below after a meal. I will admit that I kept my after meal scores below 100 to spite that crazy office for making me think I was crazy. No worries. I'm not starving myself or anything. That was probably 2-3 weeks ago when I couldn't stand my repetitive diet. I'm just eating protein with veggies or veggies with protein (salads). I have eliminated all carbs because it's just useless when all the doctors care about are the scores. Regardless, I do treat myself to very little carbs between my meals, usually in the form of fruits. While I shouldn't be eating dessert at all, I still do. I am human after all. Plus I had a fasting score of 59 on the one night that I didn't eat dessert, and under 70 is not very good. I probably should have passed out that morning. Oh well. I was fine, and I made breakfast right away.

Oh I did give up my morning yogurt, and that does make me sad. Instead I eat eggs with veggie sausage. I hate eggs, but that's the only thing that can keep my breakfast score low. I can't drink milk, eat oatmeal, or toast. It's pretty sad. I found yogurt as a way to have a small but satisfying breakfast, even if it is a super small portion. I'll just continue eating my eggs for the remainder of this pregnancy. :(

I wish that this could be a completely happy post, but I have a feeling that the doctors at DCMFM will make me feel bad tomorrow for some reason or another. Maybe they will accuse me of starving myself? I also might get in trouble from my own doctor for not listening to those doctors who are supposed to be the experts. I don't know. It's not like I did Ninja any harm by not taking the medication since I was able to keep all of my scores fairly low this past week. Must remember.. I can never win.

Update -- Both of my appointments went rather well. I had a biophysical profile to make sure the little Ninja is doing well since I chose not to take the medication last week. He surely is a champ, and the results were great. The doctor also approved of my glucose scores from this past week, and I was given the okay to continue controlling my diet. Yay! Maybe there are some days when I can win, even if it is just temporary.

Preggorz - Week 24 vs. Week 34

2011-03-25T16:46:00.001-04:00

Going through my photos on Flickr, I noticed that I have a 24 week pregnancy photo. I thought it would be interesting to do a comparison of me at 24 weeks and 34 weeks. I'll even throw in a photo of me at week 12, the day after we saw Ninja on the ultrasound screen.

I just look bloated after eating dinner. There is a tiny little Ninja inside!

Back then I thought I was huge...

Week 24 tummy fails in comparison to Week 34 tummy. I am HUGE!

Preggorz - Week 34

2011-03-25T12:07:00.001-04:00

Today is technically my 35th week, but I will go back in time and recap last week for you guys. I did make sure to have H take this picture two nights ago on the last day of my 34th week. Time sure does fly, and I'm not exactly happy about that. Please give me more time!! I'm not ready for a baby!

big belly at week 34

compared to slightly smaller version of big belly at week 31

I've had quite a few ups and downs this past week, and we'll start with the not so great part of pregnancy. Diabetes. Yes, I cannot stop talking about it. Those stupid glucose scores pretty much consume my life. Argh. I decided that Asian food does not work with my diet at all. No more noodles and rice ever again! I didn't eat much of it, and my scores were sky rocket high. Lesson learned. Too bad the doctor never let me explain how my diet affected my higher scores. Boo!

Then there is the increased trips to the bathroom. Ninja is upside down, and he is probably waiting to come out. Well his head bounces up and down every single time I take a step. What does that mean? I have turned into a peeing machine! I don't mind so much at home, but it's a major bummer when I'm in public. One of my biggest fears is losing my bladder control and peeing in the middle of aisle 3. Oye. To prevent that from happening, I never take any chances and visit every single bathroom I pass. I try to make a game out of it and see how many times I use the bathroom in a single location. Also my nightly bathroom trips are hovering around 5-6 times a night. Oddly enough, I don't mind so much. I wake up, visit the bathroom, and fall right back to sleep. I would like to think this is my body preparing for baby in the early weeks of feedings every 2 hours.

I have reached the point in my pregnancy where I am in panic mode, and I worry about every single little detail. Can you blame me? There is just so much to do and never enough time. Procrastination worked fine in school, but how can I make it work right now with a Ninja in my belly? No worries. I constantly make lists of things that I need to do. Some days I feel somewhat accomplished, and then there are other days when I feel like I didn't do enough. Yesterday I spent over an hour researching the cheapest price for Seventh Generation newborn diapers (the BumGenius one size fits all does not fit newborns). I calculate and recalculate so many times to see if I'm getting the best deal. This is all to save a few bucks. I'm sure most people do not obsess over prices like I do.

On to the good stuff! My sisters threw me Ninja and me an awesome baby shower, and we are so super duper loved. The best part was really being surrounded by such amazing family and friends. I wish I could have a party every single day. I don't need to be the center of attention or receive any gifts. I just want to spend time with my friends.

Liz and Brippy!!

On the days when the sun decides to come out, I get really happy. Maybe it's a mixture of the pregnancy hormones, but it really does pick up my mood quite a bit. It's even better when we're experiencing spring like weather, but I also don't mind having a little cold mixed in. Just give me some sun to keep me warm. The wind can also go away. :)

With only a few weeks remaining before Ninja's arrival, I'm spending a lot of time with my husband. We're trying to fit in the last minute dinner dates and shopping adventures before we officially become parents. I've been the passenger in Delilah more times now than ever before. This is our last chance to be crazy, wild adults. :)

Farewell week 34. Hello week 35. I only have 5 more weeks until my due date, and the little one can come out whenever he is ready. I doubt that will coincide with when I am ready. Oye. Please make time super sluggish slow.

This picture did not make the final side by side comparison cut. Hehe.

Defeated -- Bad Day at DCMFM

2011-03-23T16:40:00.001-04:00

I went to my appointment at the Delaware Center for Maternal and Fetal Medicine this morning. Did I have to spell it out? Probably not. I'm just not very happy with them. It's been a month since my last ultrasound, and I'm supposed to go every 4 weeks. They scheduled me for today at 8:00AM. I jot it down on my calendar. Well I came in for the woman to tell me that I'm not on the schedule for today. Eh?? When I made the appointment, the computer system was slow. I'm assuming that they never correctly scheduled me but gave me a date and time anyways. Strike one. They still honored my appointment, but it was a rocky start.

Next the technician rushed through my ultrasound, which I didn't care so much. The technician who usually does it for me wasn't there, and I guess I'm just used to her ways. As long as everything is accounted for and the measurements are correct, then I'm a happy camper. She kept saying that my ultrasound results were good. I'm led to believe that Ninja is growing at a good rate and healthy.

Doctor comes in, and she automatically tells me that she would like to prescribe me with a low dose of medication due to a few high scores I had this past week. I ask to see if I can wait a few more days to improve my scores, and she sounds upset. Maybe because I'm going against the doctor's order? She said it's normal for women to have higher scores further along in their pregnancy because hormones are increasing even more so. Then she said that I don't have to listen to her, but I will have to come in next week for another appointment. Ugh. She leaves the room, and tells another person that I am not going to take the medication. She sounds frustrated. Umm... I can hear you. The only thing separating you from me is a piece of cloth in the form of a curtain. Speak a little louder.

Shall I elaborate on my scores? Okay well she picked out a total of 5 scores in the last week (out of 28 readings). 3 of those scores are my fasting scores, which I test for in the mornings, about 8 - 10 hours from my last meal. I have to stay below 90 (or is it 90 and below?). 3 of those mornings I had scores of 90, 95, and 93. I've done my own research prior, and I know that some doctors recommend scores of below 100 and not to have too many in the mid 90s. Those higher scores didn't worry me, especially with normal readings for the remainder of the day. Then there are the remaining 2 readings, which occurred after meals. I know exactly why it was so high, and it was my own fault for testing my limits. I'm pregnant after all, and I want to splurge. I want to eat out at a nicer restaurant because I won't be able to once the Ninja is born.

So I'm certain that I can control my numbers. I know that most of it has to do with my diet, and I just need to stop trying to test my limits. I'll just eat my protein and vegetables. I won't eat any snacks, even though they really don't affect my after meal scores. I'll stop cheating with my after dinner dessert, even though I have found no correlation with the morning fasting result. All I'm asking is to have a few more days to test out my numbers. If I consistently have results that I'm scared of, then yes, I will listen to the doctor. I just didn't find that to be the case today. *sigh*

What did I do as soon as I left the hospital? I cried. I cried even after H left to go to work. I was a big mess. I don't think I was being stubborn, and I only asked for a chance to give it a few more days. As a mother, I don't want to expose my baby to any medication unless absolutely necessary. As a somewhat intelligent woman, I wanted to see a stronger pattern of high glucose results, and I didn't see it from this past week. I don't understand how a doctor can just throw out the other 23 perfectly normal scores from the week and just focus on 5 scores.

Why didn't the doctor mention anything about the results from the ultrasound? Is the baby growing at a good rate and healthy? As a technician, they can only tell you so much because it's the doctor who is supposed to be the true expert.

What does this mean for me? I have to start going to the office every week, and they will monitor the baby and me for about 20 minutes I believe. It sucks. I honestly thought I could have this all under control. I only wanted to come in to see Ninja on the ultrasound screen. I can't do anything now.

Correction. I can be more careful with my diet and keep my scores low. I'll prove her wrong.

As a side note, Ninja weighs approximately 4lbs and 12oz. Last month he weighed approximately 3lbs. In that same period of time I have lost 2lbs with no additional weight gain in the last 2-3 weeks. My obstetrician shows no concern and says that it is normal for someone with gestational diabetes to lose a few pounds and not gain any for the remainder of the pregnancy. My total weight gain is only 17lbs.

Sorry for the long rant. I'm upset at how horrible this day is turning out. I usually experience nice weather on my doctor appointment days, but today is not the case. I live for sun therapy, which works better than retail therapy. I tried the retail therapy today, and I was not successful.

This will all be over soon. I have to remember that.

Baby Ninja Shower

2011-03-22T16:07:00.001-04:00

I told you it wouldn't be long before I returned (a whole week to be exact). I'm actually buzzing with a ton of potential posts in my brain. Now how am I going to justify the time to write and edit them? Hmm... I'll make some excuses and make it work. With Ninja's party this past weekend, there was no way I could deprive you guys of pictures and commentary. :)

My sisters threw me an amazing baby shower, packed with yummy food, pretty decorations, and amazing friends and family. Everyone practically spoiled the little Ninja.

Got diapers? Can you guess how many diapers are in the tub?

Vi did a great job of organizing the baby shower games and got everyone involved. Guests first walked in and played "Got Diapers?" where they had to guess the number of diapers in the tub. Can you guess? The winner won the famous Snuggie blanket.

An empty family room waiting for guests to arrive

Thanks to my sister Lynn for letting us use her home for the afternoon. She did a great job decorating, and I love the animal safari theme. I guess it wasn't too difficult to pick up the color scheme for Ninja's nursery, especially by looking at the baby registry.

Yay! The guests start to arrive & conversations started to flow.

Chau, Ty, Bac Thanh, and MIL

Lena, Little Ninja, and Me

We had a great turnout of family and friends who were able to come and celebrate Ninja's first party. It was great to see and catch up with great friends, some of which traveled quite some distance to come to the party. Shout out goes to Liz, Brittany, and Cynthia for making that voyage.

Let's start eating!

Every party has to have yummy food, right? Well the food most certainly did not disappoint, and many of us went back for seconds and thirds. The food was provided by Cacciatori's, and everything was delicious. I even splurged and had some pasta and tomato pie, which oddly enough didn't hurt my glucose scores. Yay!

Time to open presents!

After stuffing our faces silly with food, we were ready for presents. Many of the guests came during lunch, and they arrived with plenty of time to eat and enjoy watching me open presents. Okay just kidding about the watching me open presents part. I'll admit it is very weird to be the center of attention, opening all of Ninja's presents in front of everyone.

Getting excited over bibs... hehe.

Baby bottles, bibs, and cute booties -- baby stuff is so darn cute! Thanks Auntie Lena!

It's kind of odd how happy I can get over the simplest of presents. Who goes crazy over bibs? Well I do! These are baby essentials, and Ninja will love drooling over bibs for quite some time. He also needs some baby bottles to drink that yummy milk and grow to be a healthy, strong baby.

Big hug to Auntie Liz! Check out how I've perfected my hug while protecting the Ninja.

I also wanted to give every single person a hug after opening each and every present. I was afraid to get in trouble for making the gift opening session way too long, but I did get a chance to hug a few people. I think I have perfected the art of hugging with a big stomach in the way. What do you think?

Graco Pack 'n Play! Woot! I have a feeling Ninja will be spending a lot of time in there. Thank you Aunt May (who is expecting a little one of her own this year too)!

I kept a close watch of the baby registry because I had two with duplicate items. The first to be purchased was the Graco Pack 'n Play, and I knew it had to be my super organized sister May who had generously bought this for us. I love my reaction, even thought I knew what was under the wrapping paper.

What a cute froggy outfit for Ninja! There's even a frog on the butt! Thank you Bac Tap & Trammy!

Isn't this exciting guys?

Smile for the camera!

I'm sure our family and friends got tired of seeing me open presents, but they put on a happy face and were super troopers. Thanks guys! My sisters Lee and Ching helped jot down the gifts and putting them away after each one was opened. Shout out goes to Vi who took pictures and documented Ninja's party.

Ninja's very first book! Thanks Auntie Melissa!

I hope Anthony doesn't follow my blog, but if he does -- "Hello!" Anthony and Melissa gifted us a security system for the house, which will provide Ninja with the peace of mind that he will be safe at home. After all, he won't be able to use his Ninja skills until much later in life to protect the family. Melissa also gifted Ninja his very first book, which is super adorable. I seriously wanted to flip through the pages, but then I realized everyone was looking at me. Oops!

It's a Bumbo & the cutest outfit from Janie & Jack. Thank you Aunt Lynn!

I had a strange feeling that my sister Lynn would be buying Ninja a Bumbo, especially after her recommendation to register for the tray to go with it. Hehe. I absolutely adore the outfit she purchased for Ninja from Janie & Jack. Suspenders!! Oh Ninja is going to be a cute little one. He even has his very own pea coat for the winter months. Too cute!

Yay! Ninja has a stroller! Thank you Aunt Lee!

This was another gift that I knew about in advance but only because my sister had asked me to take it off the registry so that she could purchase it online. I still got excited opening the present and seeing the stroller in real life. I had registered for a few items without physically seeing them in person, and the stroller was one of them. H had a great time putting it together, and he pushes it around the house for fun. I had a weird teary eye moment imagining Ninja inside the stroller. Oh mommy hormones get the best of me.

Auntie Brittany, how did you know we wanted onsies?

and chocolate too! You must be reading our minds.

Did you know that I am in love with onsises? The week leading up to the baby shower I was actually super sad to see that no one had bought us any. No worries! Brittany came to the rescue and Ninja will be set for his first couple months of living. She even bought the ones with side snaps, which will be perfect for our skin to skin time. Hehe. Oh and I love me some Japanese chocolate.

Ninja's 1st Bath set. Thank you Bac Trang, Ty, & Chau!

More bath goodies for the Ninja! Oh such a spoiled little boy. I'll teach him how to recycle with his first eco-friendly bag. Thank you Cynthia, Celia, & Maria!

With Bac Trang, Ty, Chau, Cynthia, Celia, and Maria's gifts combined, Ninja will be set for quality bath time at home. Hehe. Seriously, I think he is completely set with wash cloths, toys, and a pretty awesome tub set.

Ninja will be spending some fun times as a baby inside his Little Lamb Infant Seat. Thank you Bac Thanh!

This Fisher Price bouncer/infant seat got awesome reviews, and I honestly registered for it because it was cute. Okay there was another reason -- portability. This is the only one that I found that could be folded up and ready to be in the trunk for on the go travel. Yay! Ninja will look super cute and pretending to be a Ninja lamb. Hehe.

Thank you Grandma & Grandpa for thinking of Ninja's safety in the car!

Yes, this would be another item that I never saw in person until I went back to Babies 'R Us to register for more items. We wanted a Graco Snugride car seat to work with our Joovy stroller, and this one fit the description. Basically it wasn't ugly, and it is compatible with the stroller. It also happens to be the Snugride 35, which has some great reviews. It's just a tad heavy, but I don't plan on using the car seat/stroller combo for long.

Yay! A booster seat for Ninja at the dinner table. I was really excited about the Aveeno basket of goodies, inspecting what was in it too. Oh silly me. Thank you Auntie Cynthia!

Oh how I get excited over surprise items. Cynthia went out to buy Ninja's presents that morning, and I had no clue that we would be getting a booster seat. This was one of the must have items on my list because of a recommendation from Young House Love. I didn't want a high chair to take up a ton of space, and this booster seat is perfect!

Group photo time, part I!

from top left: Chau, Ty, Bac Thanh, MIL, Lynn, May, Lee, Melissa, Celia, & Lena

from bottom left: Brittany, Ching, Anita, Liz, Me, & Cynthia

Group photo time, part II!

from top left: Chau, Ty, Bac Thanh, MIL, Lynn, May, Lee, Melissa, Celia, &Vi

from bottom left: Brittany, Ching, Anita, Liz, Me, Cynthia, & Raven

Check out all of these awesome people who came out to celebrate Ninja's party! I seriously have the best family and friends ever. I am so glad I brought H's camera, even if we didn't know how to fully use it to take a photo with the timer. Oops! I guess I'll have to have him teach me that soon.

Lai Sisters! Can you spot the two pregnant women in this photo?

from left: Lynn, Ching, Me, Lee, & May

It's such an odd opportunity for us sisters to get together for a photo and not be dressed up in wedding attire. I love how we're all wearing dark colors, except for Ching who is hiding behind Lynn and me.

Dan Family! Vi, Me, and MIL

Dan Family
from left: Bac Thanh, Vi, Me, Chau, MIL, & Ty

Amazing Friends!

from left: Cynthia, Brittany, Liz, Me, Anita, Melissa, Ceila, & Lena

Time for cake! Red velvet brought to us by Sweeney's Bakery. Yumm!

I'm not so good at cake cutting though.

Cake time!! I made sure to test my glucose levels right before cake time, and I was satisfied with my numbers enough to eat a whole slice of yummy red velvet cake. I just need to learn how to cut cake and not waste a ton of frosting. I let Lynn take over after this shot was taken.

Shortly after we enjoyed some baby shower games.

Can you guess how wide I am?

I found this hilarious apparently.

The baby shower games continued, and guests had to guess my tummy size. It was a bit awkward, and Ninja got a ton of loving. Everyone overestimated by tummy size, and they had to go back to guess my bra size. Eeks! Well everyone thought I was on the tiny side (I usually am), and not a single person overestimated my bust. Haha. No pictures of that since I want to provide my boobs with some privacy.

Great time was had by all, and the party soon came to an end. Thank you to my sisters who organized and planned this amazing baby shower. Thanks goes out to all of my friends who came out to celebrate and generously gave Ninja some amazing presents. I can already tell that he will be loved by so many family and friends. He's one spoiled little boy.

Blogging Break

2011-03-15T12:16:00.001-04:00

With only 8 weeks left before Ninja's due date, I am overwhelmed with everything that needs to be done before his arrival. As a result, I will be taking a temporary blogging break and focus on preparation. I have a feeling that it will be too difficult to leave cold turkey. You'll probably see me around sooner than you think. :)

No worries. Our adventures will continue. Soon we will be super hero family of three.

Defeated -- I Want Carbs

2011-03-10T14:13:00.001-05:00

I am on this roller coaster ride called gestational diabetes. It sucks, and I cannot stop talking about how much it sucks. I love food, and I always have (except for those high school years when I wanted to be skinny... a story for another day). I cried last night because I miss eating waffles. Yes, I shed tears over waffles! It's one of Ninja's favorite foods, and he loves to have them at lunch, dinner, and in between snacks (not so much at breakfast). He also loves the calcium in milk, and we miss our tall glass of 1% milk in the morning. My kid is Irish, and potatoes are his absolute favorite. It can be in the form of mashed, fried, or baked. He loves them all. Poor kid. I feel like I'm depriving my own child of the foods he loves to eat. Sure, you could say that these are just my cravings, but I think that ultimately he has control of what I want to eat.

It was difficult at first learning about my pregnancy and the related food restrictions. My days of raw fish were over, and all of my meats and eggs would have to be fully cooked. Lunch meats and hot dogs were out of the question. Of course I wanted to have all the foods that I wasn't allowed to eat. It took time, but I moved past it. I had alternatives. No more raw sushi for me. Instead I'll have my rice, nori, and cooked fish and/or veggies. It wasn't too bad. I did pay more attention to food labels to make sure that I was eating the absolute best for the little Ninja.

A low carb diet is a totally different story. I've been on this diet for three long weeks, and I have been dreading it almost every single day. I eat healthier, but there are some days when I don't. Yesterday I wanted to rebel, and I did just that. I snacked all day, and I didn't eat an actual lunch. I didn't even plan on eating dinner, but H spent an hour in the kitchen slaving over the meal. I couldn't just ignore his efforts. By snacking, I really mean that I just ate carbs (typically fruits) in very small portions throughout the day. My 8 ounces of milk is also considered a splurge for me. Milk! It's the calcium that my kid needs for strong bones, and I actually feel guilty drinking it.

There has to be a way to change this, right? I just feel constantly deprived. I'm pregnant, and I feel like a prisoner of the food world. I'm losing weight when I'm supposed to be gaining. I have only gained 17 pounds total (losing 2 pounds since the start of my diet), and I doubt the scale has changed much since my weigh in last week. This isn't fair.

So this isn't forever. It will go away as soon as the baby is born. How do I cope with it while I have another 2 months to go? I'm not sure. I get so depressed. I cry over waffles!! I'm eating less food. I almost cried in front of a waiter the other night because I felt so defeated. Sigh.

Back to the Motherland - Exploring Enping

2011-03-09T10:11:00.000-05:00

It's been over a year since my Motherland series, and I was inspired earlier this week to continue. I printed and put together a photo album of my trip ages ago to show my parents. They kept my album and only recently returned it to me so that I could fill it back up with the photos they had taken. I want to be able to go back on my blog and recall my awesome adventure. Here goes the second installment!

When I last left off, I had just gone back to my roots. I'll continue with my exploration of Enping!

my parents with my mom's aunt -- my grandmother's sister

We went back to my mom's village in hopes of finding her aunt. We were in luck because she is quite the gambler during the day. The house was very grand in comparison to the rest of the homes in the area. My mother's aunt is in her 90s, and she is very lively with lots of energy for her age.

my parents with their friends

It was very important that we visit my dad's friend who lived in the city area. He was a government worker who played a huge part in my uncle leaving China. As the story goes, my dad was already in Hong Kong. He desperately tried to get his brother out of the country to join him, but it was rather difficult at that time. My dad had a plan, and that involved the help of his government friend who stated that my uncle had a mental condition. The condition could not be treated within the country, and it required my uncle to leave for Hong Kong to survive. The lie worked out, and off my uncle went to join my dad in Hong Kong. My dad is forever grateful and always visits every year he goes back to Enping.

visiting my grand uncle's family home

I stayed with my grand uncle in Enping, and we spent a day visiting his hometown (my maternal grandmother's original hometown). It is drastically different from my parents due to the wealth of the village. It is the home of many scholars who would come back, take care of their families financially, and educate the next generation. In the photo above, I especially love the door safety contraption. Unfortunately it is not fool proof, and there have been attempted home invasions in the past.

The rooms are pretty neat, but they are on the short side. I'm a good 4 inches taller than the doorway in one of the rooms upstairs.

I love the pretty lush green rice paddy. This is on a much smaller scale than what you will find in most villages. Since this is a more scholarly community, there is very little to no farming.

parents enjoy getting weighed in

admiring an extremely old tree

standing in front of a statue/memorial?

admiring our surroundings

My grand uncle's hometown is rich in history and culture. It is now a tourist attraction, and visitors pay a fee to get in. Since he is a resident, we did not have to pay for admission. We spent the whole afternoon walking around, and there was so much to see. I really enjoyed taking my time and having my grand uncle tell me so many stories.

spending some time with the zoo animals :)

Next up, we went to the "zoo." It had one actual live animal in the form of a monkey in a cage. The rest were statues, which was kind of awkward. I had never been to a zoo full of animal statues. I can see the educational benefits for a small town to be able to discover animals, even if they are in statue form.

I wanted to take a picture of my parents and grand uncle. I turned around, pointed the camera, and told them to pose. Hehe.

propping the camera on a ledge to take this awesome photo of myself.. haha

memorial dedicated to... *forgets*

The zoo was a tad more than just a zoo. There were many trails leading to hilly paths, and we ran into a few memorials along the way. It was a very peaceful walk, especially during the day when kids were at school and parents were working.

Being in a small city, I didn't think there would be much to explore. My grand uncle really made me feel at home, even if it was a very foreign home for me. I learned a great deal about where my parents came from, and a lot of things started piecing together and making a whole lot of sense. This is part of my family history, and I am so glad that I had the opportunity to go back and learn so much.

Retinal Tear.. Oh My!

2011-03-08T13:19:00.000-05:00

About 4 years ago I went in for an appointment with my optometrist to get my eyes checked. I grew up without ever having health insurance of any kind, and I would go to my appointments on a as needed basis. Yes, it's not exactly the best approach to my health, but that's what I was accustomed to. Well I had lost my 5 year old glasses, and I was in need of a new prescription. That is what brought me into the office that day. This would be my second professional eye checkup.

Because I was a new patient, they selected to pair me up with a new optometrist who had recently graduated. While inspecting my eye, she noticed something different. She suspected it to be a tear and had me wait in the room for another optometrist to confirm her discovery. My routine eye appointment had turned a tad sour. All I wanted was a new prescription, but I was getting more than just that. My diagnosis -- a retinal tear in my right eye. Eeks!

What is a retinal tear?

The back cavity of the inner eye is filled with clear jelly called vitreous. When the vitreous jelly undergoes the natural aging process it deteriorates and becomes liquid. As the eyeball moves, small pockets of liquid vitreous can move around as well inside the vitreous cavity. This movement causes the vitreous to pull on the retina, causing flashing (photopsia). Normally the jelly is only loosely adherent to the retina and easily peels away from the retina during vitreous degeneration (syneresis). This event is called a posterior vitreous detachment (PVD) and again is a normal event occurring in most people sometime between 50 and 70 years of age.

However, occasionally, the vitreous jelly is so adherent to the retina and pulls so hard on it that it creates a tear. If this tear is along a blood vessel of the retina this may cause bleeding into the vitreous (called a vitreous hemorrhage) which could lead to a shower of floaters which cloud the vision. Acute retinal tears with or without flashes and floaters pose a risk because fluid can enter through the tear under the retina and lift the retina off, causing a retinal detachment, much like damp wallpaper peeling from the wall. Since PVDs are usually the initiating event of most retinal detachments, this is why PVDs are such a concern.

Retinal tears may be sealed with lasers or cryotherapy (a freezing treatment), or both, to prevent retinal detachment. These treatments are usually painless and seal the retina to the wall of the eye. Both of these procedures create a scar to seal the retina to the back of the eye. This prevents fluid from traveling through the tear and under the retina, and is thought to be helpful in preventing a retinal detachment.

retinal "horseshoe" tear

Oye! That is no good. Well I was rushed to see the professionals. At first my appointment was scheduled for a few weeks away. Then it kept being pushed up, and the urgency of my eye health kept increasing. I was in the Eye Care of Delaware office before I knew it. Why was it so important to seek a professional? Retinal tears lead to retinal detachments, which then lead to blindness. Yeah that is no good. I want to keep my vision! Honestly, I have no idea how long this tear has been in my eye. If I try to think back, I probably have experienced the symptoms, but I never noticed that it was a sign of danger. Stupid Yin!

simulated flashes & floaters

Luckily the tear was found in time, and I was sent in for laser surgery that day. The surgery used a laser to repair and seal the tear to prevent it from opening up and causing further damage. It was super painful and nothing like laser eye correction. I had the most difficult time keeping my eye open, and it was a struggle to stay positive. In a few minutes it was all over, and I was sent back home. There was no recovery time, and I didn't have to wear a patch. A few weeks later I came back to the office, and the surgery was a success. Woot!

4 years later, and I'm happy to report that my surgery has held up. My retinal tear certainly did give me a scare, and I'm glad that it was found in time. There is no telling what could have happened to my right eye. In case you are wondering, a laser surgery to seal up my tear cost me about $2k without insurance. That is why health insurance sure does come in handy. My parents wanted us to live on the edge of danger. Yay to healthy eyes! Now that I do have insurance, I will make sure to visit my optometrist every year. :)

I wanted to post about my experience to teach others about my retinal tear. Even if you have perfect vision, it is worth while to go in for a checkup every few years. You never know what an optometrist may find. Most people experience floaters. If you notice an increase in floaters, make an appointment to get it checked out.

Dreaming About High School?

2011-03-07T13:10:00.001-05:00

Pregnant women are known to have very vivid dreams, and that is true for this preggorz Yin. Lately I've been dreaming about being a student again in school. Usually when I wake up I have to think back a little. Before baby, it wasn't odd for me to have an occasional dream about college. It wasn't that long ago after all. Now I've been focusing on high school, and I'm not so sure why. This past week alone, I've had at least 3-4 high school related dreams.

Am I trying to go back in time via my dream? Do I really want to think back on my high school years? Quite honestly, I have forgotten a lot of it, and secretly I know that conjuring up those memories wouldn't be so great. Would I have loved for it to have happened differently? Probably. That's why I posted a letter to my teenage self a few months back. The past is way in the past, and there is no use digging up bad memories. I would rather leave them behind.

I just can't help to think and wonder why I'm starting to have so many dreams of myself in high school. I guess it will remain a mystery because I certainly don't want to solve that one.

No worries. I do have some great memories from high school, and I recall them from pictures I took during the happy times.

working on the float with Jamie

hanging out at the library with Jen & Sylwia

Wisconsin trip with Ah-Young & Sarah

prom with Sarah J., Nicole, Sarah R., & Jeanine

A.P. History class with awesome peeps

summer after high school with a ton of great friends

The Search for Lemonades!

2011-03-05T17:46:00.001-05:00

Yin Thinks' Twitter

If you've been following me on Twitter, you may have noticed my recent obsession for Girl Scout cookies. I know I'm diabetic, but I can save all of my daily carb intake on a single cookie, right? Yeah, I like to cheat, and I'm not afraid to admit it. Now an ordinary cookie search wouldn't be too difficult. There's something awesome called the Cookie Locator, and they even have an app for Apple products to make it super easy to hunt down some Girl Scout cookies.

went to local girl scout's website to find the awesome Cookie Locator
Girl Scout of the Chesapeake Bay

just put in your zip code & search distance
Little Brownie Cookie Locator

magically a map will appear of a few locations where you can find Girl Scout cookies
Little Brownie Cookie Locator

you can even click on a specific location to view the map and the times they are scheduled to be there
Little Brownie Cookie Locator

Pretty cool, huh? Yeah I thought so too. Thank you H for discovering this awesome Cookie Locator and coming home with a box of Thin Mints last Friday evening. He sure knows how to make a pregnant woman happy.

But wait! You didn't think it would be that easy, did you? Pregnant women crave whatever they see or smell. I saw someone post on Twitter about Girl Scout Lemonades, and I could not stop thinking about it. My Girl Scout cookie experience is limited to Thin Mints and Samoas, but this Lemonades cookie perked my interest. Ninja definitely wanted to try.

LEMONADES!!

girlscoutcookies.org

At first we went around our town hitting up as many Girl Scout locations as possible. We would ask if they had Lemonades, and they would respond back with Lemon Cream. No! I do not want Lemon Creme! I want Lemonades!! Yeah, I'm pregnant and picky. Luckily H encountered a smart educated mother who informed us that the Delaware troops do not carry Lemonades, but she heard that the Pennsylvania troops do carry them. Bingo! We have a lead.

Okay we have a very disappointing lead. How am I going to convince H to drive over the border for a box of Girl Scout cookies? Even pregnant Yin knows how crazy that sounds. No worries. I'll just be sneaky about it. Later that evening on our way back from HMart, I realize that we're already in Pennsylvania. Score! I used H's phone and tracked down a location in Glen Mills (the only place I'm somewhat familiar within Trader Joe's distance). Yesss!! Outback Steakhouse! Heck, this troop would be there until 8:00pm on a Sunday. I had plenty of time, and as soon as we arrived I eyed a bright yellow box from a distance. As I approached the table, I just knew that it had to be the famous Lemonades, and it was! Victory is mine!!

So I did what any normal person would do. I bought two whole boxes. Remember that I have never tasted one of these cookies in my entire life. I just had to buy two in case they turned out to be the king of all cookies. Let me tell you that those cookies did not disappoint. I slowly ate my one allotted cookie for the day and savored the yummy lemon flavor. Sooooo worth it!

I'm even debating making the drive past the border for some more boxes this weekend. I need to keep them in stock so that I can enjoy them (multiple cookies at a time) after my pregnancy. Muahahaha! Btw, this is the last weekend to get your Girl Scout cookies! Get your cookies before they disappear!

Driving Adventure!

2011-03-03T11:54:00.002-05:00

For the longest time (the entire length of our relationship), H and I have been a one car, commuting together kind of couple. It worked well for our finances, and our bank account thanked us for it. Maybe that's why we have almost 100k miles on a 4.5 year old car. Oops! Back in early September, H introduced a new car to our family. Meet Delilah.

Delilah ready to come home from the dealer

I know what you're thinking. How did H convince me to let him buy a convertible with a little Ninja on the way? Yes, I was indeed pregnant at the time, but I just thought I was awfully ill. A week after he brought the car home, we saw the double line on the pregnancy test. Good timing! Hehe.

I knew that he could either enjoy a fun car now while he's still young, or else he would have to wait until he is old and retired. Knowing that's not fair, I was on board with this fun car purchase. No worries. It's a used car ('99 Mazda Miata), and it didn't hurt the bank account too badly. We were able to pay it in full and only have to worry about maintenance and insurance. Becoming a two car family has taken some getting used to, but having another car sure has come in handy. I drive to all my doctor's appointments by myself and run errands when I need to. It'll be even more important when Ninja arrives, and we'll have to go to visit the pediatrician quite a few times in the early months.

Over the weekend, we couldn't help but to notice how nice the weather was outside. While running errands in the morning, we were soaking in the sun and nice temperature (50 degrees). Our original plan was to stay home and clean up the house, but that was put on the back burner. Instead we took a drive in Delilah with the top down. We even made an adventure out of it and drove to HMart, which is about 40 miles away. This would be the true test because we rarely take her out for long drives. Would she chug, chug along with no problems?

Adventure begins!

Wooot!! Hang on!

Hello, road behind us!

Like my hat? Hehe.

I'm happy to report back that we had an amazing driving adventure. We even drove the major highways with the top down. No problems! The sun felt soooo good, and the temperature was just right combined with the sun's rays. We drove to HMart and back, found some Girl Scout cookies, and even made a pit stop at Anthropologie, Target, and Trader Joe's.

Before we know it, Ninja will be here, and I will no longer be able to sit in the passenger seat. We can't just ditch him at home and go on our adventures on a whim. Oh the responsibilities of being an adult and a parent. No worries. Ninja, you're so worth it.

Preggorz - Week 31

2011-03-02T18:08:00.001-05:00

Welcome to the 31st week of my pregnancy. I am getting bigger than ever, and there is no doubt there is a baby inside me. Take a look!

woah momma!

Compare this to pregnant Yin three weeks ago...

smaller version of week 31

My stomach is sticking out more now than ever. Take a look at how the shirt drapes over my stomach in the two photos. More material is being used to cover up the tummy with less leftover to drape nicely over. Sadness. Bigger stomach also means the constant need for my body to adjust to the extra weight in the mid section. Usually it will only take a day or two to adjust, and I'll be back to normal. This week I haven't been so lucky. I have probably started to waddle, and my back pains are coming back. Boo.

I haven't complained about my gestational diabetes in a record breaking 7 days. Does that mean life is full of pretty rainbows and butterflies? Not so much. I still get pretty upset at the lack of food I can eat. I'm supposed to be eating guilt free while pregnant after all, and that is not the case with my diabetes. There are days when I feel like I'm eating like a healthy person -- protein with lots of fruits (sneak them in during "snack" time) and veggies. Then there are other days when I feel like I'm on the Atkin's diet and hating every minute of it. Everyone will want to beat me up for saying that I have a high metabolism, but it is true. I can eat like a full grown adult male and not gain a pound. Holidays? Buffets? Bring it on! So being on a diet is completely foreign to me, and I hate restrictions. Boo.

I went to visit the doctor yesterday, and I have lost 2 lbs in the last 2 weeks. Eeks! She sounded kind of concerned, and I tried to tie it to my new diet. Oh well. I guess it is true. A low carb, protein filled diet really can make one lose weight. My total pregnancy weight gain is now 17 lbs, which isn't too shabby. I would like to gain a total of 25 lbs, but that's if I'm lucky. I still have 10 more weeks to go. Baby Ninja is also 3 lbs, and he probably has another 3-4 lbs to gain before he makes his appearance. My goal in the next 2 weeks is to gain back those 2 lbs that I lost in the previous 2 weeks. We'll see what happens.

I still have not experienced the famous Braxton Hicks contractions, and it makes me a little sad. My doctor said that some women never feel them, and that might just be the case with me. I don't want my first run in with contractions to be the very day that I am ready to go into labor. That just sounds scary to me. I need some practice runs. Although I can't feel them, my uterus is indeed contracting. Maybe I'm confusing the tightening feeling with Ninja's movements? Nah.

tummy, up close and personal

While I've been kind of documenting my baby bump (off and on), I feel bad that I haven't been documenting my pregnancy in photo form. I have a feeling that I will be regretting this in the upcoming months. I just hope that H and I do a better job taking pictures of our little Ninja. We would be bad parents if we neglect to photograph him.

Preggorz Yin at 31 Weeks

Support PBS: Mister Rogers

2011-02-25T16:42:00.000-05:00

Mister Rogers Defending PBS to the US Senate in 1969

I can honestly say that national and world news scares me. I like to be sheltered in the world of not knowing (odd for a history loving person like myself), but at the same time I cannot be blinded by some of the news that comes my way. The House of Representatives have approved for the elimination of funding for public broadcasting (along with Planned Parenthood), and I cannot stay silent. Really, what's wrong with them? I want every single member of the House to watch this video from 1969 where Mister Rogers defends public broadcasting and actually played a part in increasing funding from $9 million to $22 million.

Oh and Nascar means a lot more than funding for PBS and Planned Parenthood. What the fudge? Take a stand. Let your voice be heard. Save PBS! Save Planned Parenthood too!

170 Million Americans for Public Broadcasting

Planned Parenthood Action Center

Ultrasound: 30 Weeks 6 Days

2011-02-24T13:00:00.000-05:00

Since I am being monitored for my diabetes, I have to have a few more ultrasounds to keep track of Ninja's progress in the womb. That seems to be the one benefit of my health condition because I miss seeing the little guy on the screen. Be warned that this post may contain a disturbing/odd/weird/crazy 3D ultrasound image, which I wasn't even prepared for at the appointment.

Ultrasound: 30 weeks 6 days

Baby Ninja

Wowzors!! That's one big head on the screen! He is developing so rapidly now, and I love that we can see his profile so well. He was sleepy at the beginning of his photo session, but he quickly realized that he was being poked at. So he retaliated. Good little Ninja.

Now here comes the scary looking 3D ultrasound. We didn't exactly want to see it because all babies look like aliens. Don't tell me I didn't warn you...

3D Ultrasound: 30 weeks 6 days

Baby Ninja

Run away! It's a Ninja! Hehe. Okay so I still think my baby looks weird in a 3D ultrasound, but it'll be fun to show him when he's older. Checking out his facial features, he looks a lot like H. That nose! Those lips! Yup, our baby is going to be a smaller version of H. Hehe. So the nose really takes after both sides of our family -- probably resembling my dad's nose the most.

The little Ninja weighs in at around 3 pounds, and he is getting bigger everyday. He is healthy and safe from danger. Yay! I cannot wait to see him again next month!

Gestational Diabetes - Update

2011-02-23T13:05:00.001-05:00

I have been tracking my blood glucose for almost a week now, and it's still a roller coaster ride. Everyday I learn something new, and I have been eating healthier overall. I would like to think I have gained control of my glucose levels, but that could easily change with just one high reading. Here are a few things I have learned...

While I was concerned about my first prick in the morning fasting results, I now know not to worry so much. All of my morning readings have been consistent and low. I can eat my after dinner snack and not be scared of it affecting my first reading. Phew. The nurse scared me last week, telling me that I should stick with low complex carb snacks after dinner. Pshh.

My glucose levels are super high after breakfast. I learned that I had to eliminate all carbs from my breakfast, or else I would get results of 150 mg/dL or higher. Eeks! Reminder - I have to stay 130 or lower. Instead of drinking my glass of milk with a piece of toast, I have switched to eating 2 eggs. I get the nutrition I need without the carbs that make my glucose sky rocket. Why so high in the morning? I think it has to do with my metabolism. It hasn't started up just yet, and my body needs to "warm" up for the day. I can't process the sugar fast enough after my first meal, resulting in very high glucose levels. No worries. I still try to drink my glass of milk, but I drink it about 2 hours after breakfast.

I get my lowest readings at lunch. I'm not sure why, but I like it.

Dinner is a toss up. The first 3 nights were normal, between 100 mg/dL and 120 mg/dL. I try to be super careful and eat very little carbs at night, mainly protein and some low carb veggies. I figured that my metabolism has to slow down a bit around dinner time, and I adjust accordingly. Now I'm not so sure about that speculation of mine. I have had a reading of 93 mg/dL and 85 mg/dL for the past two nights. Yay me!

Snacking. Maybe this is cheating, but I "splurge" between meals and enjoy snacks that would normally make me feel guilty at an actual meal. I know that my body is capable of processing the sugars in due time, and it does not affect my after meal results. What do I eat? Orange, yogurt, peanuts, apple sauce, and other yummy foods. I also know this is when I can take a few sips of a milkshake and be okay. I am slowly learning to spoil myself with little treats if I am doing well. Last night I ate a Pepperidge Farm Milano cookie, and it was delicious. Ninja even enjoyed it.

I check nutrition labels like no other. I have no other choice these days. It helps me get a better understanding of serving size and how most foods have a ton of carbs in them. Before I would only check ingredients because that was all that mattered to me at the time. Give me all the carbs and calories. Just make sure it's not highly processed and does not contain any high fructose corn syrup. Now I just focus on serving size and carbs. It doesn't make me very happy, but I survive.

How's the pricking? It's annoying, but I have gotten used to it. It does hurt, and each prick causes a different pain reaction. I have to carry my blood glucose meter with me everywhere I go, and that's what my purse is for. Some days I feel like I have such a horrible medical condition since it requires constant monitoring.

I wish I could say that I'm at the end of the bumpy road and accepting my gestational diabetes. I have good days when my numbers are low. As soon as I get one high result, I fall apart. Seriously, I will sob like a baby because I hate my body's inability to process sugars fast enough. Luckily my low numbers outnumber my high numbers, and the road isn't too bumpy after all. I'm still reaching the stage of acceptance.

I'll just keep in mind that this is all for Ninja. I love the little guy.

My Anthropologie Dress on Glee!

2011-02-23T11:11:00.001-05:00

While catching up on this season of Glee, I noticed a familiar dress on the screen. It's my white Anthropologie dress!! How did I know? It was the straps that clued me in! It looks great paired with a red sweater and brown belt.

Glee Season 2, Episode 12 "Silly Love Songs"

Sporting my Anthropologie dress on my 24th birthday

Purchased on sale of course :)

Want to know a little secret? I actually tried this dress on two weeks ago, thinking that I could possibly fit into it with my preggorz body. Well I wasn't exactly too crazy because it did zip up. Unfortunately, the bottom was way too short in front due to the baby bump. Oh well. At least I know I can wear the dress after Ninja arrives.

Nursery in Progress - Paint Goes Up!

2011-02-22T17:51:00.001-05:00

H had off yesterday in celebration of President's Day (shout out to all those awesome presidents -- my all time fav is FDR), and that meant a super special three day weekend for us. Our goals consisted of seeing our family and getting Ninja's nursery ready, and we accomplished both!! I was also in the search for diabetic friendly food, and we stocked up the fridge with lots of yummy food. To top everything off, we even went to the court house to drop of my name change paperwork, and I have a court hearing scheduled for next Monday. Woot!

With Ninja's crib and mattress arriving in the mail on Monday, we were motivated to get his room painted and ready for furniture. Even though we have been in our house for over a year, we have not painted a single room (laziness). So we lack experience, and this was our first major painting project. Eeks! Luckily, it turned out beautifully, and I am going to convince H that we need to paint every single room in the house. :)

First, H patiently put up Froggy Tape everywhere to make sure our paint stayed in place & not on the white ceiling or molding. It was a lot of hard work, even for pregnant me who sat in the corner watching him the whole time. To give myself some credit, I made some curtains for a kitchen cubby space.

froggy tape prepped & ready to paint

Next up, paint! We went with Olympic no VOC paint from Lowe's, which is environmentally preferred with very low fumes. It is great for a pregnant woman like myself, and it is super affordable. I had a difficult time deciding on a color, and I went with the softest color from the bunch H and I had chosen. I purchased a gallon of Olympic paint color matched to Glidden's Lemon Ice. The color was pretty spot on, and I absolutely love it!!

I'm also a fan of slickdeals.net, and I purchased all of our painting supplies (5 piece paint kit, 2 additional brushes, 3 extra rollers - Behr from Home Depot) for $12 with free shipping. Yay! We figured that all of my cost savings could go into the canvas tarp like thing to cover our hardwood floors during the painting process. Not too shabby.

H hard at work painting the walls

We painted a layer, waited 4 hours (or was it 3) and determined that a second layer would reassure us that there would be enough coverage. H spent the remainder of the night painting, and he did a great job.

Of course that would not be enough for one night, and H assembled Ninja's crib as soon as he finished painting the second layer. Silly husband. Instructions were fairly simple, and the crib came together in no time. I absolutely love the quality and construction of the crib. I highly recommend all Million Dollar Baby cribs! (Refer to my post on mattress and cribs for further details.)

H diligently putting together Ninja's awesome crib

Knowing that the color of the room would look different in the morning, we took a peek at it this morning. It looks even better than I imagined, and I absolutely love the color. It is the perfect amount of softness and exactly what I had envisioned. The style of the crib fits perfectly, and I have a feeling Ninja will love his room.

Nursery basking in the sun -- oh how beautiful!

While this is just the beginning, I am loving the progress H and I have made to Ninja's nursery. I cannot wait to add a dresser, possibly a rocker, and some awesome wall decorations. Oh Ninja, I love spoiling you.

Why Save PBS?

2011-02-22T16:50:00.000-05:00

I am who I am today because of it.

via http://blog.chrisbishop.com

"On Saturday, February 19th, the House of Representatives voted 235-189 to pass a continuing resolution that eliminates funding for public broadcasting. I put together this handy chart on why PBS is worth saving. Find out how you can fight back at 170 Million Americans.

FULL DISCLOSURE: I am Creative Director for PBS KIDS but a life-long supporter/watcher of PBS ;)"

Gestational Diabetes - Roller Coaster Ride

2011-02-18T12:41:00.000-05:00

This gestational diabetes thing is putting me on a roller coaster of emotions. At first, I was pissed that I had one more thing to worry about. Then I just accepted it and dreaded all the upcoming additional appointments for the remainder of my pregnancy. Well yesterday was even more crazy because I came face to face with the fact that life is no fun with a limited carbohydrate diet, no fun at all. I was starving after dinner because I had already eaten my allotted grams of carbs for the meal. I still had room for a after dinner snack, but nothing was ever good enough (aka low enough in carbs and sugars). I felt doomed.

While tossing and turning in my usual manner last night, I was actually thinking about how great breakfast would be. I couldn't stop thinking about eating food. Maybe because I was hungry at the time, and I still had many more hours to snooze before wake up time. It was horrible because all I wanted to do was eat, eat, and eat some more.

So I decided to test out a higher carbohydrate breakfast to see how that would go. It's my normal breakfast -- full glass of 1% milk with a piece of toasted whole wheat bread. Sounds simple, right? Well my after breakfast results were not so great, 20 mg above the good range. Eeks! How do I lower that number? I should probably be drinking half a glass of milk and not a whole (but, but, but... I love my morning glass). Now I've learned my lesson. I cannot win.

I'm hoping for the best this weekend. I have to keep my numbers low and eat meals higher in protein and fiber to make up for the absence of carbs that my body usually needs to keep full. Sigh. I have a feeling I will be losing weight in my last 10+ weeks of pregnancy.

Preggorz - Week 30... Eeks!!

2011-02-18T12:21:00.000-05:00

This post was written yesterday in the nice 60 degree weather. I had pregnancy brain and never hit "publish." Oops! Enjoy!

Today I am 30 weeks along in my pregnancy! 30 freaking weeks!! Gahhhhh!! I don't think I can wrap that number around my head. I liked being in the 20 something week range. It was fun because I was far enough along to have a belly and out of the dangerous 1st trimester zone. I had plenty of time to plan out the rest of my pregnancy and prepare for Ninja's arrival. Now that I'm in my third trimester with only 11 weeks to go, I am freaking out. That's 70 days remaining folks, and I am not ready (not even close)! Ninja, please make time slow down or stay in there just a tad longer. Thanks, dude. I would appreciate it.

On a brighter note, the mattress, crib, cloth diapers, and painting material should be arriving early next week. By early, I think all of them have an estimated delivery date of Monday. Woot! That means the room should be ready by the end of next week if we are super troopers. By the way, ready does not really mean ready. It only means that it should start resembling a nursery.

On a health related note, I had my gestational diabetes consultation today. I think it went fairly well, but I will admit there were some scary parts. Going over the diet made me feel like I would never be able to enjoy food ever again. Seriously, I have had to give up so much already, and I'm not exactly ready to get rid of everything else. I love eating without feeling guilty, and now I have to evaluate every single thing that enters my body. No worries though. I have a fairly healthy diet, and I am by no means gaining any extra weight. My total weight gain thus far is 19 pounds, which isn't too shabby (recommended weight gain for me is probably closer to 30-35 lbs). Then I pricked my finger and saw the nice low number on the meter. This is after I had my lunch too. Woot! So I figure I'll give the testing a try and see how it goes from here. If I stay relatively on track, then I won't be so hard on myself.

On a Ninja related note, he is doing such a super job. The kid loves to move around, and I can't do much to stop the little guy now. I sometimes wonder if I am being a bad mom if I don't acknowledge each and every one of his kicks. He just moves around so often that I can't give him my full attention. Oh and my full attention just means staring at my belly in total amazement while he does his thing. Hehe. Plus we get to see the fella next week for another photo shoot (aka ultrasound). Yay!

I will begin this paragraph by saying something other than "on a _______ note." To sum it all up, I am scared of being 30 weeks pregnant. We are making progress with the nursery. I am not so scared of my gestational diabetes, and Ninja is having a fabulous life in the womb. Yay!

Nursery in Progress - Mattress & Crib

2011-02-16T11:23:00.001-05:00

On a happier note (refer to not so happy note in last entry for reference), I did make some progress with baby planning. I went ahead and purchased a mattress and crib! This will put my mind at ease for a bit, and I am actually super excited for their arrival at my doorstep.

I briefly mentioned how stressful planning can be because each product requires extensive research. It can be a real pain, but it is so worth it knowing that H and I can provide Ninja with the safest and best products out there.

Crib Mattress

While I won't go into the super details of a safe mattress (refer to Our Little Haus & Young House Love's post), I needed to look for one that would be free of the following:

Polyvinyl Chloride (PVC): most toxic & environmentally unfriendly plastic
Phthalates: can leach out of plastics & associated with reproductive harm, premature birth, asthma, early onset of puberty, cancer, and kidney and liver damage
Polyurethane Foam: health risks include possible cardiac arrhythmias, breathlessness, chest discomfort, irritation of mucous membranes, headache, coughing, asthma-like allergic reaction, dizziness, weakness, fatigue, nausea, blurred vision, and reduced pulmonary function.
PentaBDE: exposure is linked to numerous adverse health effects, including immune suppression, hormone disruption, learning and memory problems, behavioral changes, and cancer (banned in Europe & California)

Eeks!! Bad mattress! This is a bit tricky because there are very limited options out there for those who want to avoid all of those bad chemicals. We went with an organic mattress, inside and out. Many were super expensive, around $300. I found an organic mattress from L.A. Baby at Costco.com for only $179.99, which includes shipping and an organic waterproof cover. Not too shabby if I say so myself. If we don't like it, then we can return it our local Costco without any hassle.

L.A. Baby Natural Organic Crib Mattress from Costco.com

Crib

Again, please refer to Our Little Haus & Young House Love for all the details. They really did a great job on keeping this new mother super informed.

Composite Wood & Formaldehyde: composite wood products have added formaldehyde (formaldehyde is naturally occurring in wood but not at such high levels), which is a known carcinogen, and has been linked to an increased risk of asthma and other respiratory diseases
Toxic Finish: not safe for baby to ingest (obviously since it is toxic), must be careful

It can be a tad difficult to figure out if a crib can satisfy the standards of being made of solid wood with non-toxic finish. You must be able to read it in the fine details and descriptions of the product. If it doesn't tell you enough, then move on to the next option. For us, it was easy to choose a crib made by the company Million Dollar Babies. The company focuses on safety, and their cribs are made of solid wood with non-toxic stains. Phew. Some brands under the Million Dollar Babies company include Davinci, Nurseryworks, and Babyletto.

Now deciding on the actual crib was a lot of hard work because not only do we want a safe crib, we also want a good looking one too. Since we plan on having a few kiddos, it only makes sense to invest in a great crib that will look classic for years to come. I don't want to look at it in a few years and wish I had chosen something better. At first we had our hearts set on the Davinci Kalini crib. Take a look...

Davinic Kalini Convertible Baby Crib from Amazon.com

regular price $329, found online ranging from $225 - $250

I wasn't exactly sold on the style because it is too fancy for my taste. It reminds me of a more adult spin on a crib, similar to what you may find in a Pottery Barn catalog. The style is nice, but it doesn't fit our home very well. The price was just right and under my $300 budget I had set aside.

Next I took inspiration from Young House Love and fell in love with their daughter's crib, which they purchased online at Walmart.com. The lines are just right, and the style is a bit more modern but classic. Their crib is no longer available, but I do love Baby Mod's newest model, Olivia 3-in-1 Baby Crib, priced at $299.88 with free site to store shipping.

Source: ohdeeoh.com

I definitely love this crib more than the Davinci Kalani, but do I love the price or the fact that it's from Walmart? The crib is a good $50 more expensive, and it's from a store that lacks good values. Wait, is Baby Mod made of solid wood & non-toxic? Why, yes it is, and the Olivia so happens to be an off branded Babyletto crib made by the Million Dollar Baby parent company. Want to see a comparison of the almost identical crib from Babyletto (darker stain & more rectangular legs)?

Babyletto Modo Convertible Crib

Why not buy from another company with values more aligned with mine? Well the price tag of $400 is a tad too much for this new family to swallow. While I understand that each product we buy the little Ninja will be an investment, it's hard to part with an extra $100 that could go towards his organic crib mattress. The quality is the same. The product is nearly identical. Plus it's the style that I'm yearning for, and honestly, I like the Baby Mod version better with the lighter wood stain. Wouldn't it go nice with this rocker from Urban Outfitters?

Mid-Century Rocker Chair from Urban Outfitters

originally $289, sale $189.99

Fine. I'm sold. I went with the Baby Mod Olivia crib from Walmart, and I will be happy once it is fully assembled in Ninja's nursery. He is one spoiled little baby who is truly loved by his mommy and daddy. Only the best for my child. :)

Today's goal is to make a final decision on paint color and purchase a gallon of Olympic no VOC paint. Again, only the best for the little one. I'm just super happy that Lowe's carries an affordable no VOC paint option.

Research is a lot of hard work. It's all worth it in the end. There is a huge sense of satisfaction knowing all the research and thought that goes into every little detail.

P.S. In the baby world, I think most people want to go crazy and shop at Pottery Barn Kids for baby goods. Let me just say that their cribs might look very classic and stylish, but they are not exactly super safe. Cribs I looked at were not made completely of solid wood but a mix of solid wood and wood veneer. Eeks! H and I went to the PB outlet this past weekend and saw a crib that was chipped, and we could actually see the layers of stuff that most certainly did not look like solid wood. Boo, Pottery Barn. Your products are super expensive, and it's not high quality. Shame on you! Plus there is no evidence that the stain is non-toxic. Internet description only states that it is a high quality stain, which will match the rest of your PB furniture nicely. Psh. It's sad when Walmart carries a higher quality product.

News Just In - I Have Gestational Diabetes

2011-02-14T14:59:00.000-05:00

I am supposed to be running errands now, but I need to vent a little to get some stuff out of my system. I just got a call from my doctor telling me that I have gestational diabetes (read about my 3 hour test here). Woot. Okay so it's not a big deal. I never had it high on my list of concerns, especially with my family history. Both of my parents have diabetes, and my mom had gestational diabetes with my younger sister. My dad has been a trooper controlling his glucose levels, and I have always looked up to him.

So now it's my turn. It's not a huge concern because it will go away after the baby is born. The baby will not be overweight like some babies to mothers with gestational diabetes. Have you seen me? Seriously, I am not overweight (total weight gain - 15 lbs), and my baby is growing normally. I was only 6 pounds at birth and so was the hubby. I have been keeping an eye on Ninja's health by going to my doctor every month, and each time I leave the office being told that everything looks good.

So what is my concern now? I can't be a happy pregnant woman who enjoys the indulgences of satisfying cravings with no guilt. Don't get me wrong. I actually eat less food now than I did before baby. I have a super high metabolism and can eat as much as my husband at the dinner table (usually but count me out at buffets) before pregnancy. With baby, there is just less room inside, and I eat normal sized meals (or slightly smaller). I even started out my pregnancy with little to no appetite and ate very little in the beginning. I don't eat the bad stuff (fried foods give me heartburn). I eat enough of the good stuff. I only eat the 300 extra calories I need a day as recommended. Okay I don't even know if I eat the extra calories a day. I just don't eat literally for 2 grown up sized people. As for the sugary stuff, I don't eat much of that either. I enjoy one sweet item a day as a treat to myself (having a bun in the oven is hard work), and that is pretty much it. I don't drink the sugary stuff and stick with my glass of water (probably drinking double the amount recommended a day).

I'm mad that I have one extra thing to worry about. I already have enough on my plate. Preparing for the first baby is hard work. There is so much to buy and so much to research into every single product (ie. crib & mattress have to be completely free of all toxins -- organic mattress & a solid wood crib with non-toxic stain). I still need to learn how to give birth to this baby and how to take care of him once he arrives. I have no idea! I am a first time mother, and I am so behind on everything. I don't need to add gestational diabetes to my list of worries right now. It is too much for me to handle. Remember how I need to keep the stress levels down? Well this diabetes thing is not helping.

I was actually having a decent day. I had all of these wonderful plans to run errands in the afternoon and cook dinner at night for the hubby. Now I'm just kind of depressed by everything & mentally exhausted. The news of my gestational diabetes threw me over the edge, and I can't recover. Ugh. This is no fun. I had planned on making cute Valentine's Day cupcakes from scratch, and now there is no use. I can't even eat them with my hubby. I may just forgo all plans and just stay in bed for the rest of the day. That's usually my solution to a crappy day.