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Friday, October 9, 2015


Written sometime in the past couple of months and left in my draft folder. Figure I'll post it as a reminder of the tough times I experience. I struggle like most parents do, and some days are more difficult than others. 

  Walk Along the Reservoir

I'm lost in this world of parenthood. I am defined by my role as a mother and wife. I find time for myself by listening to NPR in the mornings while cooking breakfast and watching Netflix or PBS at night while washing dishes. I don't have the time to switch off being a mom.

I get easily jealous of mothers who can juggle work and children. I know it's not glamorous, but I wish I could get away for a few hours a day and focus on being a worker bee. I don't contribute to society at home. I just take care of my children, and honestly I don't do it very well. As I dream about that alternative life, I face the reality of my past. I'm pretty much a great example of being a complete failure. I graduate college just to be jobless for over a year and not have any career path. Each application, interview, and rejection stung. I stumble upon an opportunity that leaves me feeling inadequate, and I leave as soon as I am pregnant with E. What was the use of my college education?

Taking care of a toddler and a preschooler is difficult. No one gets the amount of time they deserve. I wear myself thin because there is no dedicated break for myself. My work day starts as soon as I wake up and ends when I fall asleep. I don't get a bonus or extra incentive to get through the day.

One day it will get easier, right? Will it just bring a new set of challenges? Will I one day feel sufficient in this society?


Jessica said...

I can relate so much to this post. ❤

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