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Friday, August 19, 2011

My Baby & My In-Laws -- Continued

Entry originally written on Sunday, August 7th...

The story of my in-law's lack of involvement continues this week with an interesting development.  H's sister came on Thursday to babysit while we went to run some errands.  We were nearing in on 2 weeks without a proper trip to the grocery store, and our poor fridge reflected that.  She informed us that her parents were quite upset with us.  The reason?  We were not doing our part to bring Baby E to visit his grandparents.

Stop right there.  Whatttt?  Why can't they come over?  Oh they just pulled the stupid culture/tradition card out, and I call that complete bologna.  As a reminder, my in-laws only came to visit once after we came home from the hospital during Baby E's first week of life.  Since then we have been on baby transportation duty to bring Baby E to my in-laws.  Not cool.

So here's their argument -- now that we're old enough to get married and have a family of our own, we need to take care of them.  My own parents remind me of this all the time, mainly because they are old and retired now.  According to my in-laws, part of taking care of them means that we have to bring Baby E to visit them.  In the beginning we happily obliged because we figured that their schedules were a bit hectic with work.  Then weeks passed and eventually that led to months without any interest in seeing their grandson.  Okay that's not true.  They wanted to see their grandson, but they didn't want to give in and come over to our house.  Sounds silly, right?  Stupid culture crap.  It was okay for us to meet up at a buffet and have dinner together, but it was not okay for them to come over to our house where Baby E spends most of his life. Stupid!

A day later my FIL decided to visit "out of the blue."  Then my MIL came the day after that.  What?!?  Oh yeah it must be H's sister who told them how much Baby E has grown.  They had to eventually give in, right?  How else are they going to see Baby E roll around?

H has to remind me that it is their loss if they don't want to visit.  They are the ones who are missing out on his milestones.  They are the ones who are almost strangers in Baby E's life.

Am I supposed to feel guilty?  Maybe.  I am depriving my in-laws of grandson time because I won't make the effort to visit them.  Actually I would make the effort if they made an effort on their part.  My original plan was to visit them every other week if they showed interest in coming to visit us.  Scratch that plan and throw it out the window.  It's not us. It's them.

I don't think they fully comprehend how much of a production it is to get out of the house with a baby.  Here is the run down...

  • wait until Baby E wakes up from his nap, feed him, change his diaper
  • prepare bottles with breast milk
  • put together pump bag (pump, flanges, battery pack, etc.)
  • pack diaper bag (diapers, cooler bag for milk, bibs, changing pad, wipes, etc.)
  • time it just right & pump as soon as H starts feeding Baby E
  • put baby in car seat while we run around the house 
  • wash bottles and pump accessories right before heading out the door
The biggest obstacle for us is my pumping schedule, Baby E's milk supply, and his eating schedule.  I need to pump every 2-3 hours, and it's not very convenient most of the times when we are out.  Baby E still drinks every 2 hours, making it difficult to run the simplest of errands.

They even said that if we can run errands with the baby, then we can visit them on our way home.  Let me remind you that they live 20 minutes away from us, and their house is not on our way home from any shopping areas.  We would have to go out of our way to visit them, and it would be a huge inconvenience on our part.  Oye.  Plus we usually run errands during the work week, often coming home around 9:00 PM - 10:00 PM.  What was once a simple trip to Costco takes twice as long.  It's not easy with a baby.

I just want my in-laws to understand.  Leaving the house isn't easy for us.  It would be much more convenient if they could take some time out of their week (no, make that month) to visit their grandson.  We are new parents, and we're still getting the hang of it.  Be nice.  That's all we ask.

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