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Sunday, June 5, 2011

It's 3:00 AM...

I'm awake again.  It's 3:00 AM.  I don't find time for myself during the day, and I have to sacrifice sleep in order to sneak in some "me" time.  While it is pretty pathetic, I do need that time to myself.  I need time to think freely. I need time to refuel.  I need more time.  I need time to blog.  I need time to vent.  It's my therapy, and I haven't had much of it lately.  It's part of my ability to function normally.  Without it, I feel lost.  I feel like a part of me is missing.  I have been blogging for 8 years.  Blogging has become part of my life.

I know I need more time to myself.  Taking care of an infant is no easy task.  My kid likes to eat every 2 hours (that's the time between the start of one feeding and the beginning of the next).  If he naps, it's only for a short period of time, and I spend most of it pumping and cleaning bottles.  That means I have no time to myself.  I don't even have the time to clean.  When H comes home from work, I end up cleaning while he takes care of Baby E.  I never have time to take a break.

So I suggested to H that I should have an hour to myself every other day.  Honestly, I want an hour to myself everyday, but I felt selfish to even say that out loud.  I would probably spend half of it showering and the other half in my craft room blogging.  Well I suggested that over 2 weeks ago, and I still haven't had my scheduled hour to myself. Ha.  I don't think it's ever going to happen.

So here I am at 3:00 AM blogging instead of sleeping.  I know I will beat myself over this stupid decision later.  Oh well.  I have to feel alive, and I feel pretty alive when I'm blogging.

P.S. I'm sick for the first time in the past 2 years, and I really could use the sleep.  Oh well.

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