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Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Spit Up of Thoughts

I started this entry on May 11th...

Today Baby Ninja is 23 days old , and I have been a stay at home mother for the past 2 weeks.  It's not easy being on baby duty all day long with a slight break in the evening when H comes home.  I'm currently "wearing" the baby as I blog.  This is my first break of the day, and it feels great to have some down time.  Honestly I have been itching to blog again.  Since it's too difficult to write multiple entries, I'll just spit up some of my thoughts... (in no particular order)

I read that women leave the hospital looking 6 months pregnant after delivery.  It is 100% true!  I was well aware of this and fully prepared for my body to take its time to shrink back.  Heck, it will be months (maybe even a full year) before I can resemble my former self.  I still have a tummy, and I call it my "pooch."  Well everyone else hates my pooch and cannot stop staring/touching it.  Yes, they freaking touch my stomach!!  It's fine when there is a baby Ninja inside, but it is just plain wrong right now.  Everyone keeps talking about it, and it most certainly is not helping with my influx of hormones.  I have had problems with my body image since forever (overly critical mother will have that effect), and I feared what my body would look after pregnancy.  Well I was happy with my progress and weight loss (almost back to pre-pgrenancy weight), but that quickly came to an end.  Sigh.  People (aka family members), please stop bringing so much attention to my pooch.  It has gotten a lot smaller.  Please get off my case and stop touching my pooch.  Grrr.

I had some complications with my glucose levels during labor, and I was injected with insulin multiple times.  I was even hooked up to an IV drip.  No worries.  Ninja was fine, and his glucose levels were perfect.  Mine, on the other hand, were on the higher end.  Oh well.  The doctors didn't stop me from eating carbs, and I am enjoying food again.  Yay!  Too bad the battle isn't completely over.  I still have to go in for a 2 hour glucose test in June to check on the status of my gestational diabetes.  I can't imagine actually being diabetic.  For now I'll forget about it and just enjoy eating like a normal person.  I also realized how much of a picky eater I used to be with Ninja inside, and I am 10x better now.  Phew.  Oh and I have no desire to cook, but I am always hungry for food.  Ha.

I don't get enough of it.  Enough said.

They have been pretty hands off, and I find that very odd.  I think I'm over analyzing it.  I guess it is a good thing after all.  I know they would drive me nuts if they came to help me take care of the baby.  Heck, my parents drive me nuts when they drop by to visit for 10 minutes.  They keep reminding me that I should let the baby cry it out and to never pick him up.  Uhh... sure.  Then they like to tell me how well behaved he is. Yes, I do pick him up when he cries.  I also feed him and change his diaper.  So yeah... lack of involvement from our parents.  It's good for our sanity, but I still find it very odd.

Is it weird that I'm more attracted to my husband because he is now a father?  There is something about seeing him care for our child that is so amazing.  The first week of Ninja's life was so difficult, and H was simply the perfect husband.  He took care of all the diaper changes and most of the feedings while I took time to recover and gain back my strength.  *swoon*

... or how about the lack of it.  Ninja doesn't like my boobs, and the breast pump is my best friend (short version of the story).  I am constantly at battle with my milk production, and my mental health takes a toll.  There are days when I feel like a complete failure of a mother, and then there are other days when I feel like giving up. I take it on a day by day basis, but I have a feeling that I will try to stick with it for as long as possible.  I have to remember that Ninja's health is my priority.  If breast milk is "liquid gold," then I will make sure he has it.  He deserves the best.

So there you have it folks.  This is the short version of my thoughts.  Now I have to go tend to my baby...


Emily Z said...

I follow a blog about a mother whose child has Down Syndrome. When her son was 5 weeks old, she posted this:

"Mama never really was able to produce any breast milk that was in an amount that could satisfy him, so after doing every single thing that the lactation consultant suggested ( pumping every 2 hours, taking fenugreek, eating oatmeal, putting brewer's yeast on my food, drinking mother's milk tea, going to breast feeding support group, putting hot compresses on my breasts, visualizing being filled up with breast milk ) I then learned that people who have polycystic ovaries don't produce much milk. Would have been so great to know this BEFORE I went through all of this. It was pretty stressful, depressing, sad, etc. I didn't know I was going to take it personally - but I sure did. I finally decided that being with Max was more important then stressing out over how he gets fed and I put it all to rest and remembered that Formula isn't the "f" word."

If you have production problems, and/or E doesn't like your boobs as you so aptly put it :) don't stress out it. (I know, easier said than done.) Remember that the time you spend feeding him is more important than how he gets fed. Is breast milk better? Sure, but that doesn't mean that you're a bad mom if you have to supplement or completely substitute with formula. Do the best that you can and no one can ask for more.


Try to have a great day!

Yin said...

@EmilyZ: Your comment really brightened up my day. Thanks!

I was so sure that I wouldn't beat myself up. I read so many stories about mothers who are in the position that I am in now. I told myself that it's okay to feed my child formula. I would just give breastfeeding a try and do the best that I can. I wouldn't be a failure. Well that was before when I was pregnant, and now it is so easy to beat myself up. I wasn't prepared for the pressure that would be placed upon me by the doctors, nurses, and family members.

Slowly I'm coming to the realization that it is okay. Little E will be just fine. I turned out somewhat normal, and I was fed formula.

Now only if people would stop judging us, but that topic will be for another day.

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