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Saturday, November 27, 2010

Ready to Respond - Anonymous Comment 11.18.09

I have already responded with how I feel about anonymous comments and how I don't respond well to negative feedback.  Plus I even followed up my post with some clarifications.  A year later, and I am ready to directly respond to the comment. 

Anonymous Comment from November 18, 2009 in response to my blog entry:

The answer to your question: Is 23 a young age to own your first home? No. It's not a young age. People have different goals and dreams in life. If your goal in life is finding a lifelong partner, being able to afford a house, and doing house work, then Yin I think you have done an exceptional job. However, in these days, majority of people in their 20s are pursuing higher degrees, eg. masters, phDs, MBAs, professional schools (accountants, lawyers, doctors),..so on. Why you asked? Because very few people these days want to just be a college graduate and getting college graduate jobs. Thus, delaying their goals of owning their first house and settling down in hope of accomplishing the same goals but perhaps on a higher level.

This was a personal stab at me because I had difficulties finding a job and focusing on my career after college.  It was a bad economy (still is), and I suffered through depression during my job search.  To this day, I can't say that I have a career path.  I worked for my friend's parents for the past year, and the job helped me pay the bills.  It was not my dream job, but I did enjoy the people I worked with and the contributions I made.  I would love to pursue a higher degree, but I can't go to graduate school to get an MBA in a field that I haven't even had the chance of working in yet.  I already feel like I wasted so much money on my business degree, and I can't risk throwing more money in a field that I have no connection with whatsoever.

What if my goal in life was crushed by the economy?  Then what happens?  My goal was certainly not to buy a house a year after graduating from school or jump into graduate school with no money and no direction.  What if my goal is simply to be happy?  I was in a serious state of depression before.  I was living with my in-laws.  I was jobless.  I cried almost every single day, often inside a closet because I couldn't let anyone know  I just wanted to find a home, somewhere I belonged.  (I documented my experience here.)  I didn't find my career, but I was finally working again.  I was happy being able to help my friend's parents and take some load off of them.  I was happy spending quality time with my fiance, now husband.  Happiness.  It sounds like something so simple.

Of course there are exceptions. There are those who came from an extremely wealthy family own their house at a young age and those who have wealthy family/friends that support them financially with their new house.

I'm sorry to tell you that I do not come from an extremely wealthy family, nor does my husband.  My parents came to America with nothing, and now they can retire and say that they have lived the American dream.  I lived on top of my parent's restaurant growing up.  I worked at the restaurant as soon as my parents thought I was capable of taking orders.  My parents only paid for my education and nothing else.  I was responsible for all other expenses.  Actually, I moved out of my parent's house before starting my senior year of college, and I have been completely independent ever since.  They did not pay for a penny after I left the house, and they certainly did not contribute financially to our home.  I didn't tell them about the house until the day we signed on the dotted line.

Similarly, there are high school graduates who bags grocery for living have bought their own house/home with their salary.

So, Yin: Love what you have done with your blog, nice design, layout. Strong work. But sorry to have to burst your bubble. Your question: Is 23 a young age to own your first home? was a rhetorical question. I think you know it. Unfortunately, a public blogspot isn't the greatest place to have your ego/pride stroked. But happy for you. Congrats to you and your hub on your new house.

I'm sorry if you think that I write for people to stroke my ego.  I do not.  I write for myself.  I don't want people to feel sorry for me, and I don't want anyone to tell me how great I'm doing either.  My question was more based on responsibility.  For most people in their early 20s, they want to enjoy their life.  If they have an extra couple of hundred of dollars saved up, they might want to go on vacation or buy something that they have been lusting over for some time.  I chose to enjoy my life with my husband in our home.  Owning a house involves a lot of time, money, and responsibility.  I could be going to happy hour every Friday or live the adult life in the city, but I choose not to.  I could throw away rent money towards an apartment with no return, but I chose to invest that money into a house.  Although I may not have a career path or advanced degrees, I do know that I want to start a family one day (as ancient and old fashioned as that sounds).  I do know that I want to raise my family in a home, in a neighborhood.  I didn't have a lot growing up, and some can say that I'm trying to relive my childhood the way I wished it could have been.  My priorities are different from others.  My goals are different too.  I just want to be happy, and I can honestly say that I am.

My blog has always been an outlet for my thoughts.  It dates back to my Xanga days, and I can say that people didn't always like what I wrote there either.  I would vent about my mother, my struggles, and anything that I was feeling at the time.  I never wrote with the intention of having people feel sorry for me or with the intention of having them pat me on the back for a job well done.  I wrote for myself, and then soon realized that people don't like to read that.  In that case, please do not click on my blog and definitely do not read the content.  Then I tried to censor myself, and it took all the fun out of blogging.  I would write a few paragraphs, hesitate, and then delete the whole entry.  It's not me.

So if you've read this far, and you feel that I am an attention whore, please unsubscribe to my blog.  It's really that simple.  No one is forcing anyone to read this.  Yes, it is a public blog, and I want to be open to everyone's opinion.  I will take offense if the comment hurts me in any way like the anonymous comment from last year.  So please be nice.  I promise I'm not here to have anyone praise me or have anyone feel bad for me.  I'm here to write for myself and to do be me.  

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