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Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Looking Back on the Past Year, Pt 2: October 28, 2008 via Vox

A lengthy one.

October 28, 2008
Losing Hope

There are times when I really feel like blogging, but I don't know where to express my thoughts.  I really want to leave my xanga behind because it's just a mess of incoherent thoughts and represents a lot of my past.  I also wanted to get a few blogs started, but I was stuck at finding a good user name.  Now I've found the desired user name but don't know what site to use.  It's all a bundle of confusion, and now it brings me to this blog.  What is the purpose of it?  I'm not sure.  I've started over from scratch, and I don't exactly like the first two entries.  I'm afraid that this will become my venting blog because that's why I'm here now...

It's 3:00 AM, and I'm still awake.  My internal clock is officially out of whack, mainly due to staying up until 6:30 AM on the weekend (combination of coffee, studying, and felt flower making).  I wish I could get rid of a lot of my frustrations, but I let them build up inside.  Some times I feel like exploding, but I try to remind myself to stay strong.  Easier said than done.  I wish this was all a nightmare and that I can wake up to happier thoughts.  I feel like such a mess right now.  I need someone to talk to...

It's 3:00 AM.  No one is awake, and I don't have many close friends to turn to.  I can't confide in my one and only because he has more important things to worry about (CCNA cert exam coming up this Friday).  Plus he's not fond of seeing me sad or in tears over my misery.  He understands, while at the same time not being able to comprehend it all.  So I guess I have you, Vox.

I'm jobless (now how many times have I started an entry with that very line..too many to count).  It's torturing me inside more than ever now.  I went from wanting a job in HR, to wanting a job in business, to wanting any freaking job.  Then I got any freaking job and realized what a waste of time that was, and I was hopeful of a good potential job with an interview and all.  I gave up any freaking job, and now I'm back to searching for a job in business.  It's not going so well, and I don't know where to look anymore.

Well I got my official rejection letter from that amazing job I wanted, and it hurts a lot.  I cried, and I tried to push those bad thoughts aside.  It was the perfect job for me being a college graduate and all, and I wanted the job so badly.  Sure, it's an hour away with a horrible commute, but it could have been a good start in my career.  I prepared for my interview with a 5-7 minute presentation on a topic of my choice.  I thought I nailed it.  I answered the questions without hesitation, and I had a great presentation.  I left with happy thoughts, but then I kept waiting to hear back.  I had no way of contacting them (no business card & no contact to the person in charge of hiring -- only a phone interview from her).  Today I just had a hunch that I would get my official rejection.  I originally thought it would be through the mail, but Hubby came back empty handed.  I later received it in my inbox.  Great.  Bring on the tears.  I just feel like a complete and utter failure.

I also had an interview today.  It seemed fishy, and Hubby determined the fishy behind the company.  It was a complete scam.  That made my morning go in a complete whirl.  I woke up feeling bleh knowing that I needed to make a phone call for one job and email another to confirm an interview date.  Then I have an interview at 3:00 PM, and I'm in no way ready.  I forget about the fishy-ness and start preparing.  At this point I think I have two interviews this week, today and tomorrow, and I get excited.  Then Hubby informs me of scam (I'm glad he did), and I get the reply back from the email I sent.  Turns out no interview today due to said scam, and my interview is in fact for next Tuesday the 4th.  I have to wait two weeks for an interview -- not even a special interview, just a freaking lame cafe associate position for ING Direct.  At this point I feel -- I don't even know how to describe it.  I hide it a bit from the Hubby and go on with my day.  I guess the rejection email didn't help.

Today was not a good day at all.  I don't have much hope for the rest of the week either. 

**I did not get that ING Direct position either, even spending over an hour in the interview.  I was also rejected by WSFS as a bank teller.  I even applied to work at Costco (I was desperate and FMIL at the time was disappointed in my lack of work), and I never heard back from them.  The previous job I landed lasted 3 weeks at a law firm in Wilmington filing legal paperwork with 1.5 days of training and a boss in Philly.  Yeah that didn't work out, but it gave me confidence.  Unfortunately that confidence dwindled down to none at all by the end of the year. 

Looking Back on the Past Year: The Beginning
Looking Back on the Past Year: Finding Work
Looking Back on the Past Year: I Give Up
Looking Back on the Past Year: Finding New Inspiration
Looking Back on the Past Year: Escaping
Looking Back on the Past Year: What Happens Now? 
Looking Back on the Past Year, Pt 2: July 31, 2008 via Vox
Looking Back on the Past Year, Pt 2: August 1, 2008 via Vox


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