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Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Wedding Blues

I've been known to break down every now and then over my personal life. Some things are small and not worth worrying about the next day. Then there are the big things that will not go away, and it only gets worse with time. Can you guess what one of those big things are?

The Wedding...

H & I have been engaged for 2 years, and I've spent half of that time in constant fear of the big day. I've talked numerous times about eloping and just making it official at the court house. Now that the big day is only a month away, I want to hide and never come out. Why? It's not our wedding, not even close. It's becoming a wedding just about what his parents want. It's turning into their family reunion, and it has to be their vision of perfection. I've given up everything I ever wanted to give them everything they want. How is that fair? I can't even add my touches to the wedding because it's not what they want. Invitations? Beautiful to me, disrespectful to them. Cake? How inconsiderate of us to have an "American" cake for our guests. The list goes on. I'm still fuming.

As a kid I had visions of walking down the aisle in a gorgeous white wedding dress in front of family and friends. My dad would be by my side, and my groom would be at the end of that aisle patiently waiting for me. We would say our vows, be announced husband and wife, and finally share our first kiss as a married couple. We would then hold hands as we walk down the aisle with the biggest smile on our faces. Afterward we would soak in all of the love and celebrate with our guests. Good company, good food, and good music would surround us. It sounds perfect. Only if dreams could come true.

So I've come to a point in this planning process where I can't stay strong anymore. I've lost the tiny ounce of strength I had in the beginning. I don't want this wedding. I just want to spent the rest of my life with H, and I will go to the court house to make it official. I don't care if I don't have the wedding of my dreams, just as long as I don't have the wedding of his parent's dream either. Since it's their way of the highway, I'll be running away. My escape plan? I'm not so sure. I'll figure something out.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Going to Be Busy...

I'm going to be a tad busy in the next month or two. Why? I'm planning a wedding. So listen to the crickets chirp for a while, but feel free to go over to my wedding blog for more daily/weekly dose of Yin.

Where else would you find old school pictures of my parents on their wedding day?