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Tuesday, January 26, 2010

My Thoughts

Let's back track to what this blog is all about. Yin thinks. It's about me. It's about my thoughts. Earlier today I was thinking about my blog, and there's a lack of direction. My thoughts are rare to find. It's mainly an occasional update of my life and a few pictures. Why can't I seem to write about the thoughts that first jump started this blog?

I fear what other people think and how they judge me through this blog. I refrain from letting my thoughts flow. I crawl back into my hole when a hurtful comment is made. I know people can be judgmental, myself included. I just can't keep my thoughts on track without censoring or pressing the delete button all together. Sigh.

I have to snap out of it. I'm an adult. I am clinging onto fears that have stayed with me since childhood. It's not healthy, and I am going to make the first step in admitting it. It's time for me to take a break from over thinking about what other people think and focus on my own thoughts.

This is my blog. These are my thoughts.

Here is one of my fears --- knowing that someone will use my thoughts against me. I don't come from the healthiest of families. My sisters have turned on me before, and my blog fell victim. This happened 2.5 years ago. It's hard to forget and forgive. I still worry about them finding my blog again. It causes unnecessary drama, and I really could use less of that in my life.

I'll take this as my small baby step towards making this blog more "me." I am going to face my fears head on. If I keep worrying and fearing for the worst, then it'll happen. I need to stay focused on being me and not letting other factors get in the way.

Pretty much, this blog will be more thoughts (which can also be interpreted as rants) and less filler. Be prepared!


Anonymous said...

That's is very true. This is your blog, let you shine. Take criticsm as an advice. You can take the advice or do what you feel is best for you. It is your decision after all.

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