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Thursday, August 13, 2009

Defeated

I spent this morning getting myself a job. It's not a pleasant one. It's the same one I didn't want to apply to a few entries back. I feel defeated. What happened to the Yin who was going to rule the world (look to the right at my welcome post-it note at my ambition)? Sigh.

Here's the break down:

PROS
  • money: I get paid (not much)
  • temporary: 3-4 months
CONS
  • hours: 2nd shift, mon - thurs from 3:00PM - 11:30PM, sun 7:00AM - 5:30PM
  • monotonous work: processing rebate claims for a government program nonstop with 100+ other workers each shift
  • temporary : 3-4 months
  • way overqualified & underpaid (had to negotiate to get a whole $1 more an hour)
  • feeling of being defeated
  • won't see Hubby 4 days out of the week
  • it'll make me feel miserable
  • no health insurance since it's temporary (somewhat of a pro for me b/c that's less $ for them to take away from my paycheck)
I'm the type of person who doesn't value money too much. Maybe that's why I'm not eager to find just any old job. I value my pride more. I value my education. I value my experience. I am a hard worker, and a damn good one too. This is why it kind of hurts to be defeated. I have no choice but to give in. I don't want the money. This experience is not going to help my resume. I was a freaking assistant property manager for 3 rental homes. That sounds a heck of a lot better, and I was responsible for so much. I feel like crying.

What's the worst part about today? The interviewer offered me the position and gave me the bare minimum hourly wage. I was informed by the recruiter over the phone that it would be between x and z. He said that with my experience I should be able to get closer to z. She gave me x. The interviewer insulted me. I had to negotiate. She gave me some bologna answer and went back to see what she could do. I did get a whole $1 more than she offered at first. I just decided to take it. My college education and business background mean nothing? I was steamed.

If I feel so crappy and defeated, then why am I taking this job? I just have to. Everyone expects me to. I don't want to make others upset. I just have to sell my soul to an evil corporation and have every part of me ripped apart. Sigh.

Since I'll be in Canada next week and start working after I come back, I can't promise to keep up with my blogging habits. Even though it's one of the things that makes me happy, I have to give up a large chunk of happiness to live the so called American dream of being employed. =(

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